Let’s Play Fate/Extra – Part 25

ENGAGE FINAL BOSS

Alright. So.

We’re beating the shit out of Buddha right now.

I know lots of JRPGs end with beating up gods but I didn’t know it was contractually obligated.

Anyway. What you need to know about Saver is that he has an array of severe bullshit.

His bread-and-butter direct damage skill can severely fuck you up. 660 damage is me Guarding. Naturally you can reduce that further with Aphotic Cave but he has ways of getting around that too, which I’ll get to in a minute.

And the mirrors behind him aren’t just for show. Those are his Noble Phantasm, Transmigration Into One. One will light up every other round, and once all seven light up you’re dead. Just to rub it in, Twice will cast Recover to fully restore Saver’s HP before the aforementioned one-hit kill. It didn’t actually become a problem for me – Tamamo’s burst damage game is too strong.

He also has three different buff skills. Madhyama-Pratipad adds life-leech to his Attack, Samadhi adds mana-drain to his Guard, and finally Dukkha adds Stun to his Break. He will have two of those three buffs up at all times.

And then there’s his final Skill, which does absolutely nothing if you Guard against it. But if you Attack, Break or use a Skill – you know, anything but Guard, he will do this.

Yeah.

The good news is that he seems to only use Sunyata on turn one and Dukkha Samudaya on turn three. He is still, however, the kind of Buddha who can fuck you up if you don’t step. And to compound things even more…

Twice can Seal every last one of your fucking Skills simultaneously.

I use the old standby of Merciful Sky+Spell=Nuke.

But despite my best efforts, the fifth mirror is already lit! And Tamamo can’t hope to leverage Eightfold Blessings while still suffering from Seal! And the worst of it is that a mere Remedy can’t possibly clear the status…

“Tamamo!”
“Master!”
“EAT MY LUNCH.”

“HERE EAT.”
“I’m not sure I fo-”
“SWALLOW IT ALL YOU SLUT”

“WHOAH NELLY THAT’S SOME STRONG BENTO. DOES SAKURA USE SENZU BEANS OR SOMETHING!?”

“IT’S FUN TO STAY AT THE…”

“YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY”

“M”

“C-A MOTHERFUCKER.”

“Do you think it’s bad karma to call Buddha a motherfucker while I firebomb his dick?”
“It’s fine.”

… if we were both truly righteous or not.”

All that is and was Twice H. Pieceman finally fades from the world forever. His Servant won’t be long after him.

The one who sought enlightenment through strength and perseverance still has an untainted soul.”

King of blood-drenched battle. In Nirvana, let us witness the end of the world, for there lies your salvation.”

And so Saver vanishes too, his job done. Not supporting Twice’s ideals, but showing compassion for him like any other human.

The moment I lost Lancer – no, the second I entered the Holy Grail War – I was prepared to-”
“Not to be a dick, but… you’re not really the person I’m worried about right now.”

“Anomalous data gets deleted. Question is… will I have enough time to make my wish?“

(Nothing ventured nothing gained, I guess. Not like I can just sit around and wait for the next winner. I won’t be another Twice.)

(How am I even supposed to get up there? Jump really hard?)

(Ah. Thanks.)

No matter how much I want to force the issue, since I am not the victor I cannot go near the Holy Grail.”
“Heh. I guess it was always building up to this, really.”
“Well… I mean, I really hate what I’m about to say; it sounds like I’m making excuses for myself. But things could’ve ended worse. I probably would’ve lost to Twice, not due to lack of skill, but of heart. That’s why I’m glad you’re the one who made it to the end. I want you to know that I truly mean that.”
“Thanks, Rin. I’m glad you’re here. Makes things easier. And Tamamo?”
“Mm?”
[rubs between her ears] “Thanks for being great.”

I can see it. They were right. The Moon Cell… everything’s in here. Every projection, every model, every prediction. Too much. I can’t understand it all, it’s like looking at size-4 font from sixty paces. But there’s a pattern. The same pattern Twice saw.

War does bring change. War does bring the best out of people. But he was wrong. Peace isn’t stagnation and stagnation isn’t peace. The Harways got that wrong and everyone’s paying for it.

And the whole time the Moon Cell’s been here, writing it all down. Finding all the answers and just putting them away in a little box. Like another Earth, infinite Earths, all in their own folders. All of them still going. No, don’t get distracted. Have to make a wish.

Make a wish…

I wish everyone could have what I had. Not answers. Just people to show them the way. To teach them how to be more.

To love them.

There. I think I entered it properly. Now all I have to do is wait.

… sorry Tamamo.

… why am I still here?

I know time is different in here. My thoughts are going so fast it feels like I could watch Earth’s entire history from start to finish in what little time I have. In fact I did. But even so, this-

Tamamo! What’re you doing in here!? Why didn’t you stay with Rin?
“Because I’m a bad girl :3”

I mean, what kind of horrible wife would I be if I didn’t help my dear Master perform their final duty!? No matter how weak I may be, I will continue to fight on until my body is turned to dust!”

Heh. All the knowledge of the world and somehow I still didn’t see you coming. How very Tamamo. But still, living this long, it can’t just be her. I can get to the bottom of this. All I have to do is look-

…

Medical information from patient file.

A sufferer of severe Amnesia Syndrome, a degenerative disorder of the brain’s memory centres, due to the terrorist attack of 1999. Surgical intervention is possible but prohibitively difficult. The only surgeon capable of the procedure died in the same attack.

Until another surgeon is able to replicate the procedure, Hakuno Kishinami will be placed in indefinite cryogenic storage.

I’m still alive.

But not.

I’m a copy. She has no idea what happened here. She doesn’t know who I am, who Rin is. Who Tamamo is. She’s been dreaming all alone for twenty years.

… I have time.

Just one more message.

“Hypothesis definitively proven. Blondes don’t necessarily have more fun.”

Ah, that’s not quite right. This is just the data you’ve been modelled after. That person isn’t you. But… at the same time, it is you. This person has the same heart, spirit, and soul.”

Fair enough. I dislike being the loser, and now that I know you exist on the outside, I’ll track you down.”

Lewd.

They could wake the dead. So a cryogenic coma’s close enough, yeah?

When you find her, just remember. Whore Little Mac’s side-B. She’ll hate it so much.

But to me, you’re the only Master that matters. So another you wouldn’t affect me one bit. I’d even venture to say it’s pretty kinky.”
You are just incorrigible.

For now, I’ll just concentrate on being with you until the end… Hakuno.”

I wonder what it’ll be like for the other Hakuno. She’ll be like I was. Waking up knowing nothing, with nothing. In a whole new world that makes no sense to her. But… I guess that’s the point. I’ll never know. I don’t have to know.

All that matters is that it’s there for her. There’s a huge, stupid, contradictory, perfect world out there for her and she can be whatever she wants to be.

Let’s Play Fate/Extra – Part 24

Hakuno returns to an empty school. No more other Masters left. No more need for NPCs. Not even the lights are on.

The Holy Grail War ends here.”
“… wait. That voice. I know that voice. That’s… the guy I heard at the end of the preliminaries.”
“The path to the Holy Grail is open to you, victor. Pass through the door to the battlefield once more.”
“Great. More hoops to jump through.”

Hakuno heads out of the classroom for the last time. Down on the first floor, Rin waits by the elevator that would normally take her down to the Colosseum. Kotomine, however, still lingers in the hallway leading to the Arena. We can’t leave him all alone with that big dumb yellow word balloon over his head, can we?

Or are you that fond of me?”
“What’re you even still doing here?”
“There was some mapo tofu left over. Didn’t want to let it go to waste.”
“Well, fine, whatever. Glad I saw you. You’re a weirdo creepazoid and I probably would’ve been way happier if you weren’t leering out of the shadows all the time, but still. I wanted to say goodbye.”

Let me offer some final advice. It is not brief, but the Holy Grail won’t be going anywhere. This isn’t to guide you through a fight, but to enlighten you about what you will receive shortly. It may be fairly late in the game to ask this, but what do you know of the Holy Grail?”
“Leo told me about it. It’s a supercomputer so dense that it’s practically post-Singularity machine-god shit. It’s recorded every second of existence on Earth since life began. Before, even.”

Still, you need to know a few more details. As the last Master, you ought to know.”

An all-purpose wishing machine. Who decided the Moon Cell would only observe, I wonder? Forcing other functions upon what is primarily an observation device is generally impossible there. But the all-seeing eye is lacking the rest of its head. Though all-seeing, the Moon Cell is not a god. It obeys the laws of physics like everything else. Such as the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. Phenomena that are not observed do not exist. By the same token, all things that are seen must be seen. Even things that are not generally considered to exist.”
“That’s not quite what that is-”
“Silence, Kishinami. We are in the magic Matrix. Science is soft enough to assert that the Laws of Thermodynamics can be overturned in a court of law.The Moon Cell is a very complete database. It records many ‘ifs’ as well. With such operational power, the Moon Cell can both elucidate the past and provide foresight.”

A place where every human wish and desire exists. A place to spy upon the future, on that terrible knowledge, much like what Laplace envisioned.”

But if someone with a will could harness the Moon Cell, they would see all their wishes granted. The validity of one’s motives, or even the very presence of motive, is inconsequential. All that matters is that the winner of the Holy Grail War is strong.”

An interesting tidbit. It seems that the Moon Cell is almost the inverse of the Lesser Grail – the Lesser Grail has near-limitless power, but only grants your wish with a method you already know. The Moon Cell isn’t magic, but it has so much knowledge packed into it that it can tell you the exact path for you to follow to fulfil your wish yourself.

Go forth, reigning Master. Deep in the moon, the Ring of Fire awaits your answer.”
“And Rita Repulsa?”
“I don’t understand the reference.”

And with that, Kotomine wanders off to stand in front of the Arena. If you go talk to him, he’ll let you into the bonus endgame dungeon. It’s absolutely nothing to write home about – it’s just a big room with eight normal enemies and two rare enemies wandering around. And the secret boss, if you’ve unlocked them. Plus, since the Moon Cell Grail War is over, you can grind to your heart’s content. I’m sure if you’re fucking insane you can keep going in and out, killing just the rare monsters, until you’re level 99. But I am not insane, so I got to a nice even 40 and left.

But then I forgot to spend my SP anyway so WHOOPS.

In any case, there’s still one more person to say goodbye to.

It made me very happy that you kept coming to see me throughout the Holy Grail War. Even if I didn’t have much of a presence in the game.”
“You kidding? You’re the most normal person in this place.”
“Ahaha. All right, my parting gift to you will be a lunch.”
“…”
“Huh? Please don’t make that face. I haven’t put anything strange into it…”
“No that’s not what I meant! Just feel kind of bad that I’ve been saving your lunches for special occasions then wound up not using them at all.”
“Hee. Lunch is for eating, Hakuno.”
“Who told you that? What a radical idea…”
“All right, then. I wish you the best of luck!”

Her EX-ranked lunch is powerful enough to completely restore your Servant’s HP on top of curing all status effects. Can’t wait to cram it down Tamamo’s throat.

Sexually.

Anyway, no more distractions left (aside from the aforementioned unspent SP but OOPS). Time to claim our prize.

“You know it.”

But what lies beyond isn’t an elevator. It’s…

… uh…

it’s been a lot of fun.”

I’ve tried to protect you, even though I’m one of the weaker Heroic Spirits. Ah, but when it comes to evil spirits, I’m the strongest woman in the world! Against that kind of enemy, I can take them down with one finger!”

This may be the last time we are together, so I want to thank you now. For raising the Heroic Spirit Tamamo-no-Mae, I thank you. A human that has as much faith in Tamamo as you do has never existed until now.”

You may know this already, but in regards to the Holy Grail War… I’ve been through it before, chosen by a certain magus. That person started out as weak as you, Master. He had the ability, but he was so gentle and kind that it was obvious he wasn’t meant to fight. He was killed countless times and after every defeat he’d start from scratch.”
“…”
“It’s odd, isn’t it. Though you and his origins are the same, why are you two so different?”

I’d love to have a celebration in your honour, but unfortunately this place doesn’t allow for that sort of thing. While it might not be worth what you had to do to survive this far, you’ll have to make do with my applause. But allow me to say this: I approve, praise, and am proud of you more than I have been of anyone else. Throughout the numerous repetitions of the Holy Grail War, you are, by far, the most extraordinary Master.”
“… hi, have we met?”

Be careful, Master. Twi-… I mean, that man has a Servant with him.”
“Who’s that? Caster, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? I see, so this is who you serve now. Now I understand why I couldn’t see anything about their Servant’s data. You were jamming my signal.”

… don’t worry about me, Master. It’s all in the past now. The person here now is-”

Because now… I mean, I have a new Servant now. It seems fate has a sense of humour. As I prayed for salvation, I was given an oddly appropriate Servant.”

… but why would a Master be here? The war is over and the only Master left standing should be you…”

How can a Master who was defeated still be alive and present in this place? I must look into this later… Well, that’s an issue for another day. At least one rule will still be enforced: only one Master may leave.”

Now that’s settled, I’m pretty sure the question on your mind is ‘what are you’, right? A pertinent question worthy of an answer. I am both an NPC and a Master. To be more accurate, I should say… I was.”

She glances at Hakuno.

First, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Twice H. Pieceman, but please, just call me Twice.”
“Twice…?! I thought you being a cyber ghost was just an urban legend, but to think it’s actually true… Everything I’ve learned about you paints you as a person who hated war and was dedicated to saving lives. This massacre – you of all people should detest this war. But considering how you are now, it’s-”

I hate war and will not tolerate its existence in any form. Not even the Harways are exempt from this fact. However, that truth only scratches the surface of my beliefs. Much like the Moon Cell, it seems that a single well-known function has erroneously defined my true ideals.”

I will never forget the many shocking realizations I received during the course of my studies. The betrayals that make up history, combined with severe shell-shock, gave him an abnormal hatred of war.”

When he saw any image depicting war, he was overcome with overwhelming panic attacks. He would get severe heart palpitations and his blood pressure would skyrocket. From that day he, meaning me, was consumed with an unease that became painful in its intensity. Even after becoming a scientist, he still risked death to save others because of that unbearable pain.That’s the whole of it. What drove him during his time in the mortal coil was not a sense of righteousness. What drove me was one simple question: why was I the only one who seemed to hate war?”
Why did I involve myself in war? Was it to understand it better? Especially considering the effect war had on me? Even while struggling with those questions, my mortal self still irrationally kept going into battle. And in the year 1999, a horrible neurological disease broke out in a city located in the far East.”

Twice was called to the city to treat the victims of the attack when he was caught in a major attack himself. According to records made available to the public, the death toll was set to 5000 people. The Moon Cell puts the real count at 8200. As you can see, the government under-reported the number a tad…”

He tells the story wearily. As if it’s ‘no more than an amusing anecdote’.

(… I remember that place too.)

It was then that the mortal Twice, the person I was, recaptured the repressed memories of his childhood. In the 1970s there was a clash of ethnic groups, arranged by major powers as a war by proxy. Twice was orphaned in the conflict. The place I remembered was hell. Everything around me was collapsing. Everything fell without any sense of morality and without any acknolwedgement of the value of life. And there lies its brilliance. The young Twice must have concluded that life itself was truly a miracle. All that remained of that epiphany I’ve already told you. Anyway, Twice was adopted and became a doctor. And though I tried to forget the past, that one fundamental truth was forever burned into my soul.”

However, at the core of my very being wasn’t a denial of the meaning of war. It wasn’t that at all.”

A group of soldiers made to fight against an army many times their size, that was far more experienced and supplied. Forced to flee from guerrillas, a girl of five travels on foot through a jungle that few could hope to survive. Innocent victims of violence who rebuilt their village and their lives without help from anyone. Even though I hated war, I saw a great deal of strength emerge form the conflicts I witnessed.”

The many revelations. The uncounted number of rescues. None would have happened without the hell that is war. All the mortal me really did was bring back a number of things from the depths of hell. And in the end, I was a victim of a terrorist attack. But as I was dying, it all came back to me. I saw the burned fields of my home and recalled the tenacity that helped me go on, even as everyone else died. Yes. Three seconds before my heart stopped I finally received an answer to my question. It was never denial. What drove Twice repeatedly into hell was because I, who eventually fell victim to violence, could no longer consider war the ultimate folly of mankind. Nothing can be hidden from the Moon Cell and it records all it observes, including my final thoughts. As time went on I was reborn as an NPC based on the record of my mortal life, just like any other NPC here. They may appear human, but are nothing more than puppets playing assigned roles. I was the same. However-”

More likely it was just an anomaly born from a single near-impossibility. How it happened, I cannot say.”

The dream that I saw as I died, the ideal that existed only in my mind, I now exist only to make it a reality.”
“So that was the dream that the mortal Twice saw as he died?”

Anyone with a brain can see that the world is doomed. Humankind has long since passed its adolescent stage. Man was still maturing in the 1900s. A balance was struck between penury and prosperity, but it didn’t last. The period of immaturity ended, but the golden age that should have followed never occurred. You do realize this, right? What has happened to the planet and its people should never have come to be.”

When that fruit should be at its best, it has fallen to the ground. That’s not the way history should be.”
“And you’re seriously trying to tell me war is the answer? Endless war!?”

If the objective of modern men is merely survival, then there is no reason for them to exist. In my previous life, a great many lives and resources were consumed for the sake of convenience. Why? What was the need for such prosperity? Prosperity is just an illusion and exists only for its own sake.”

The preliminaries illustrate this truth. In an artificial peace, ignorant aggressors revel in idleness. Humans can only mature after breaking free from their idleness. That seems to be the case for you. And now, ideologies are based on the detritus of an ignoble and forgotten past. That loss can’t be overcome.”

Don’t you agree? If the future isn’t worth the suffering of the past, that would make man mere murderers. For the humans who lived in the distant past, the future that man is now planning cannot be accepted. The future that will be is a mistake. Humanity has not spent countless lives for the society that is to come. But we cannot reverse time. Since going back is impossible, there is no choice but to move forward. With that in mind, we will recreate the wars of the past and revise the history of the last hundred years. By having everyone fight in a war of survival, mankind’s consciousness will be forced onto the correct path.”

Truly an atrocity, wouldn’t you say? Until I won, this world was buried under a mountain of corpses.”

I watched their fights as an NPC and when I became conscious I fought battles of my own, weak though I was. After several dozen fights, I finally reached this elevated seat. After that, my story becomes simpler. Manipulating the rules of this place, I created the Holy Grail War. A battle of survival from which only a single person may emerge victorious. I remade this world into a place where the limits of human potential can be pushed beyond one’s imagination.”

You were totally unsuited for this ordeal in the beginning, just as I was. As a nameless figure drawn from the masses, you’ve become the one in whose hands rests the fate of the world. Your soul’s been tempered by crisis and conflict. Your new strength is a testament to the potential of man.”

Shout out so that all can hear you say that war is necessary. That humanity can and must evolve quickly. Just input one little phrase into the Moon Cell: don’t stop. After that, you can do whatever you wish. Whether you become a king or a god is up to you. You have my blessing as your choice will bring endless war.”

And if the only reward for such suffering is stagnation, then humanity deserves to be cast into a new void. Some sacrifices cannot go unheeded. Mankind must be inflicted with wounds that they will never forget.”

You never once mentioned making a wish on the Holy Grail. Why? Why have her make your wish for you?”

According to the Moon Cell, my existence is considered nothing more than an irregular data stream. I can fool the low-level processes, but if I access the core I’d be seen as an NPC and immediately deleted.”

(NPCs. Anomolous data.)

(Like me.)

Upon reflection, I wasted a great deal of time. I was able to plant the seeds of war on Earth from here by manipulating and manufacturing information. But it was a case of too little too late. Also my methods were unreliable and on too small a scale.”

Of course I don’t intend for everyone to die. I simply wish to instigate a war that anyone can survive. You can see it through the gate. There lies the Moon’s core, an object made from the purest photonic crystal. The results of the simulations of Earth’s future run by the Moon Cell are stored as light within the core. The one who reaches the core has the right to choose the course of the future from infinite possibilities.”

This object, which envisioned an infinite number of possible futures, can reshape the fabric of reality.”

Unleash the perfect storm upon the world. To undo the lie of stability, re-write history as I have said.”
“… I didn’t come here to wish for death. The other Masters, who fought and died, they had wishes of their own. Every one of them. There were good ones and there were bad ones. Shitty people, monsters, and people I wish I’d known better. What they all had in common was something they really, truly believed in. I’m here because I killed them and took that away from them, without even having the excuse of a wish of my own. I won’t do this. I won’t let their deaths be for nothing. Especially not for you.”

“Tamamo. I’d like to hear your thoughts on the matter. Do you think I’m evil and should be eradicated?”

Even before I was a Servant, I killed untold numbers of people. I might hold the world record for murder. So, how do I put this… I don’t want to say something ignorant like ‘I’d kill for you’.”

And though I don’t like even thinking about it, if you were to fall, I’d never forgive the one who killed you. In this case, I must side with my Master. No, I have to admit you’ve always been right, Master.”

And as for his Servant… It may be on a totally different magnitude, but I will win!”

“Sucks, doesn’t it? I’m getting us all out of here, and you’re not going to stop me.”

Once the participants have been reduced to one, permission is granted to leave the SE.RA.PH. This is the one thing I cannot change. The Moon Cell has made this rule a fundamental requirement for entry. In other words, there’s still you and me. As long as both of us exist, neither can escape this place. So there is no path open to you but the one that leads to the Holy Grail.”

The world has reached its limit as well. Soon it will be too late to overcome the stagnation of man.”

It doesn’t matter to me if you resist. If you want your wish to come true, you’ll have to defeat me anyway. And such is destiny. At the end of things, this is the conclusion we arrive at. Now then, it’s time to bring this chapter in the Holy Grail War to a close. To the victor go the spoils – that is the way of humanity, something that will never change!”

I may well be a malevolent force in regards to man, but life is an endless cycle. I have been bestowed this power not only to protect one person, but to preserve the whole.”

Come, Saver! The answer to all, the sole entity to escape the agony of existence!”

then I will come forth to grant salvation to all things and guide them with the might of my vajra.”
“So that’s all he has to say. That his arrival will save the world, spouting gibberish the whole time…”

So when the time comes, please help me! Having always protected others, I never thought I’d need it myself. Now I know better. And though we are Master and Servant, here we stand hand-in-hand. Together.”

“See this, Twice? Right here? This is me, the perfect result of all your dynamite plans, about to stomp you and your fencepost of a Servant over there into really fucking wordy paste. And then I’m going to walk up there and kick the Moon Cell in its big glowing bollocks until it lets my friend here go home and change out of her tiny miniskirt. Sucks, doesn’t it? Well too bad. I aim to misbehave, cockstain.”

Let’s Play Fate/Extra – Part 23

So hey, I think the finale of the game deserves some acknowledgement. So have an extra-length update!

When we last left Hakuno and Tamamo, the former was getting a little worried about the fact that her next opponent is

Which would be concerning for anyone.

Look at it this way; none of your opponents have been easy, but you ended up trouncing every single one of them! So you’ll win this time too! And even if winning all of those was luck, then you have the luck to win a thousand times! Tamamo will be your lady luck, guiding the dice however many times it takes!”

At least Tamamo’s still around for pick-me-ups. Next order of business today is to bother Rin for a solution to Gawain’s FUCKIN’ INVINCIBILity.

They’re probably counting on the divine protection of the morning sun that Gawain supposedly has. As long as the sun shines, Gawain might be the mightiest Heroic Spirit, even greater than Arthur.”
“… so what you’re telling me is that Leo has been cheating this whole fucking time and getting through the seeds with nothing but invincible Gawain facetanking?”
“Yeah. Leo’s a cheating little scrub fuckass. But every hero has a weakness and Gawain is no exception. No matter how powerful his abilities, he cannot escape the shackles of his legacy. According to legend, overcoming his greatest strength will leave him vulnerable.”

So yeah. Due to his special blessing Numeral Of The Saint, Gawain’s parameters triple whenever the sun is up. Which it always is, as either the Harways gamed the shit out of this system or Leo got absurdly lucky. The solution?

TURN OFF THE SUN

Only for a little while, that is. Supposedly striking Gawain as the sun goes down, as Lancelot did in their confrontation, will remove the blessing almost completely and leave him vulnerable. I find myself laughing internally at the fact that Gawain’s main claim to fame would be utterly and thoroughly useless in a conventional Grail War but that’s neither here not there.

Anyway. Rin needs time and a safe space to play the Sun’s Song on her ocarina, and Hakuno points out that the multimedia room is perfect since Julius turned that into his hackeeng man-cave at some point in the proceedings. Getting in is impossible without Julius however – what luck, then, that we can just swing by the Arena floor where we murdered him to pick up one of his belongings.

Kinda dark in retrospect but okay.

“Hey I’m weirded out enough at the prospect of robbing the dead, don’t make it any weirder.”

“Well hey, look on the bright side. Since he’s invincible, stalling for time’ll be easy. No risk of accidentally killing him!”
“That’s the spirit, Master! “

“No pressure or anything. Jesus fucking Christ…”

They catch a glimpse of Leo’s retreating back on the way to the Arena and pursue.

“You have weird ideas about what a date is.”
“It’s quality time!”
“Can’t argue with that.”

“Why must we stand here, Gawain?”
“The Trigger is right there, so they’ll have to pass through here at some point. Plus the sun in the background looks really cool.”
“Yes but I have sand in every nook, cranny and orifice of my body, the sun is doing terrible things to my skin and hair, my skin is drying like a raisin and my retinas are slowly sizzling off.”
“… B-but it looks really cool, my king ”
“Yes Gawain, it looks very cool.” [pats on head]

“Yep. There’s one five metres to your right.”
“… so there is. Looks like the sun did a real number on my retinas.”
“(I already said I was sorry my king seriously :[)”
“So anyway, Mr. Up-And-Coming-King. What you talked about the other day about regulation and order and shit. Was that real or were you just messing with me?”

No poverty. No war. No inequality. Those things are the conditions for happiness. Conditions the Harways maintain. There are two types of people – those who manage, and those who enjoy the fruits of being managed. In this case, the fruits of being managed are stability and happiness.”
“… that’s retarded.”
“… what?”
“What you’re proposing is a nanny state of the highest order. Where you’re just splitting people into ‘haves and have-nots’ only the ‘having’ in this case is having basic fucking agency and dignity. What you’re proposing is putting the entire population of Earth into a fucking nursing home where they’ll have their asses wiped for them for fear of someone deciding to fling their shit at someone. It’s the stupidest, laziest, most spineless ‘all-or-nothing’ ideas I’ve ever heard in my life, and I’m going to bash that into your stupid coconut-head until you understand that fact.”

You cannot understand me, but I see the eradication of strife under my rules as the noblest achievement.”
“You should look into state-mandated lobotimizations at this rate.”
“Hrm. I’ll make a note of it.”
“For fuck’s sake with this guy…”
“Shall we, Gawain? It is sad, but she places herself in opposition to the Harways.”

I will wrap around my Master’s body and protect her from every attack and every evil. Being armour means I can get a lot more snuggly with my Master than if I was a stupid sword.”
“Lewd.”
“YOU KNOW IT.”

I would burn steel to ash with my holy sword if it prevented my lord from his rightful rule.”

No! Even if I turn into ash, I’ll be like a phoenix and resurrect! I’m good at transferring souls. Who cares about kings? Nothing in the whole world is more scorching than the fires of love. (*chuckle* No one can resist a fox’s provocation! Now that he’s all steamed up, he won’t notice that I’m just stalling for time with my attacks! Probably.)”

[Gawain makes Lemongrab noises]

The battle that ensues is a preview fight, same as all the others, so there’s nothing very interesting to screencap. The important part is at the end, when Rin turns off the sun for the crucial second needed.

“HOW CAN YOU TELL!?”
“FOX INTUITION.”

“Ha ha! Now you can’t cheat any more!”
“Then what do you call turning off the sun and attacking me after the ‘three turns before SE.RA.PH intervenes’ time limit?”
“… YOUR FACE!”
“Touché…”

“Are you sure it was only a third of your power? Are you sure you aren’t just bullshitting me to save face?”
“You can’t prove anything.”

Leowagon withdraws coolly, leaving Hakuno free to take the final Trigger.

Let’s get m- I mean, let’s kick that little boy’s royal behind!”
“I think you’ll be hard-pressed to find anywhere that’ll recognize a data-person’s love for their magic fox-girl.”
“I think somewhere in the South should allow it.”
“Nah, I’m a girl too.”
“NOT FOR LONG.”
“Caster no casting. Caster no casting. Caster no casting.”
“Awww maaaan.”

By the way, we picked up the ‘true’ wish-granting object Taiga sent us after.

Amazing.

And back we go to Rin’s private school rooftop!

“Well Gawain got premium butthurt and Tamamo actually managed to hurt him. So it went pretty well! Good work turning off the entire sun, by the way.”

Apparently Hakuno staring too intently at Rin, because it makes her flip the fuck out.

Rin starts wiping her face madly like a spaz. Which, naturally, makes Hakuno laugh her ass off.

And to think, I figured you’d be seriously concerned here about what Leo said…”
“Nah. He’s a little shit-kid who has no idea how societies work. Plus, since he spent the last six seeds facetanking everything with his invincible Servant while I had to work at everything, in a way I’m the one with the advantage now.”
“Hmph, I’m glad you think so, but talk is cheap. You better make good on your words.”

Rin smiles at those words.

The odds are fifty-fifty as to if that will happen or not. And that’s only if things go well… Once the Holy Grail War is over, promise me that you’ll contact me. I don’t care how or from where. This is the address I’m using for the war. I won’t change it for three days.”
“tastybitch69@aol.com?”
“It’s the perfect smokescreen.”
“Yeah but… Rin come on. We have to stop dancing around this. I’m not real, okay? I’m a Moon Cell NPC. Not just that, but I’m based off someone who died twenty years ago. I’m a fake twice-over. You may as well ask Guardsman 1 from your favourite RPG to go on a date.”

You are you, regardless of where you came from or how you came to be. You’re softhearted and sentimental and… It’s a reminder of how people really should be. No, it’s not ridiculous. You are alive, so start thinking about life after the Holy Grail War.”
“… heh. Thanks Rin. Y’know you really have a way-“
“Defeating Leo will bring the wrath of the Harway family down on you. Doesn’t that scare you at all?”
“And like that, the magic is gone. Ah well. What’re they gonna do, kick the Moon Cell and swear at me a lot while I sit safe and sound in the HDD?”
“Right? Don’t worry, I’ll watch over you. after all, I’m pretty much in the same boat as you. Don’t be afraid to depend on me once all this is over. I’ll protect you no matter what.”
“Y’know you’re getting a bit ahead of yourself.”

Helping another person is a big deal, right!? And of course you had to go and do just that! To help another person is to take a certain amount of responsibility for their life! Remember that it’s much harder to try and keep one alive than to stand by and watch them die!”
“Still better to save one than take it.”

“Don’t worry Rin. We’ve got that lunch date. It’s in my phone and everything.”

The next day, the penultimate day, Tamamo makes sure to remind Hakuno that this is their last night together. It doesn’t specify all the offers made pertaining to that fact, but I remain confident that they were many and carnal.

Taiga you fucking weirdo.

“It’s so cuuuuute!”
“I always pick the best chewtoys.”
“Yeah- heyyyyyyyyy!” [gnaws dejectedly on the tiger-plushie]

Um, Master? This may seem kind of random, but would you consider just stopping right here and now? To live in absolute freedom. Just let the Holy Grail, and that child, be. And there’s a way around the rule about dying if you don’t win. It’s not that hard to create a loophole. Then we could go back to the beginning when the school was calm. That’d be okay with you, right?”
“… is something wrong, Tamamo?”

If we were going to drop out of the war at all, we would’ve had to do it at the beginning.”
“Yeah. Shinji, Dan, Alice, Rani, Julius… can’t let them be for nothing.”
“The lives of the six Masters we’ve beaten… mean nothing to me. But I can’t dismiss all of your efforts.”
“Tamamo come on-“
“All right, let’s get our heads straight and head out! Oh and forget everything I said just now okay <3”
“… okay.”

Outside, two people are arguing loudly by the library. Considering it’s the final round, it’s no great mystery as to who they are.

“On the contrary, I’m relieved that you somehow managed to survive.”
“Tragically, for me anyway, whether I get to live or die hasn’t been decided just yet. Whoever wins the Holy Grail and gets to return home is the sole survivor. That’s the rules. But my life doesn’t matter. You’re the one who still has something to lose. If you lose in the final match, the Harway family will lose their heir. Pretty big blow, hm?”

” ‘Choking into oblivion’? Tohsaka, your complaint is… creative. Still… No. You look tired. Now is not the time for an extended conversation, I’m afraid. With that said, I bid you a good day.”
“Wow. What an amazingly smooth exit from a losing argument.”
“WHAT’S THAT I CAN’T HEAR YOU I’M ALREADY TOO FAR AWAY LALALALALA”

The day’s Arena-trip is nothing to write home about. And so the second-last day of the Grail War comes to a close. Hakuno and Tamamo reconvene in the room for the last time.

But I’m sad that I won’t be able to make new memories with you after tomorrow… Oops! Getting all teary-eyed isn’t like Tamamo at all! I shouldn’t be crying! I’m your companion, your beautiful wife who will always, always try her best.”
“And I’m the stern, emotionally-distant husband whose only way of human connection is to play Smash.”
“I can work with that.”
“And that’s why you’re perfect.”
[Jubilant fox noises]

And the final day dawns, how else, but with Kotomine being a dick.

“Well the only reason I’m here is because I’ve murdered five people who didn’t deserve it and one who totally did but it still didn’t feel great, and my opponent is someone whose parents though preschool was inferior to directly burning knowledge into the brain, and I’m a dick to him whenever I can so I don’t have to think about that little tidbit. That’s about the long and short of it.”
“Ah, yes. There was a certain young Master who emerged in this tournament and has grown significantly. At first, this Master appeared to be a sacrificial lamb, but instead fought on those wobbly legs. I may be an agent of the system, but your fight rouses my interest. Is your case a happy accident? Or a genuine miracle in hundreds, thousands of years of Masters.”
“I thought this was the first Moon Cell Grail War! … also ew, keep the ‘rousing’ to yourself.”
“How perverse for this AI to be based on a clergyman.”
“I think I need an adult.”
“I am an adult. Now go. Show me the true strength of your determination and desire.”

I will be here waiting for the one who successfully manages to reach the Holy Grail.”
“I will be so glad to see the back of you, Creepazoid.”

“Believe me, I couldn’t wait.”

“Douchebag.”
“You stir something up inside me when we fight. I am well aware that as the head of the Harways, I must scour my personal ambition from my heart. But if you feel this connection between us as well, then it’s a different story. It means that you and I are bound by a stronger fate than the pull of individual connectivity.”
“… what the hell are you even talking about.”

“Says you, Sir Bowlcut.”
“But now, you’ve transformed into a warrior worthy of arresting my full attention.”
“I’ll try to contain my orgasms. Besides, I’d much rather you call me King.”

Um… Quite frankly, you’ve caught me by surprise. I mingle with people from many walks of life, but this is the first time I’ve heard that proclaimed to me. Are you aware of what a king is?”
“Nah, I was just fucking with you.”

I don’t appreciate you lying to me. But for the first time, I’ve found myself laughing at another’s joke.”


I want to fight you as soon as possible, but I’d also like to speak with you longer. I’m grateful that your defeat was reserved for me alone.”
“Gee, truly my hype doth grow by the second.”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I said. Here I thought those big ears of hers were just for show.”


“Should’na talked mess about the ears. Now my girl Caster here’s gonna have to pull your dick off and stick it in your mouth like it’s an apple in a roast pig.”

Petitioning my opponent for their agreement at the moment would only reflect poorly on your reputation.”
“Like that’s fucking stopped you before.”

You’re no Servant, you’re a slave. You know what, I pity you!”
“It is not that I am forbidden to speak. I simply see no need to, fair fox. I have already given my heart to my king, so whenever I do speak it is already in accord with him.”
“Hah. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.”

You’re spoiling your Master. He thinks he’s a king already. Pretty soon he’ll turn into a despot.”


The only thing he lacks is…”
“WHAT WAS THAT, GAWAIN!?”
“NOTHING MY KING. Nothing is lacking about my Leo just yet.”
” ‘My Leo’? Double-gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.”


Compared to my Master, he’s nobody.”


“Gonna take back what you both said about my ears!? >:[”
“No.”
“THEN WE STILL GOT A FUKKIN’ PROBLEM M8”

The elevator stops, heralding the impending commencement of the final battle.

Although I’m afraid I’ll miss you, I have to keep going.”
“Yeah. Likewise.”
“This is it, Gawain. Utilize your sword’s full capacity for me.”

AkihikoI’veBeenWaitingForThis.wav

But putting those assumptions aside, your Master isn’t cut out to be a king.”

I’ve had the pleasure of knowing a real king. That’s why I’ve always known you’re not the real deal.”

The sun is kind of my personal domain, so I’d appreciate it if you made way for my Master.”

#sunburned

As the final battle with Gawain commences, I finally have the opportunity to inform you all that I was slightly incorrect in my assessment of him previously. You see, I thought Siege Perilous just improved his Guard damage. It does not. It makes him Seal all your Skills if you get hit with it.

Not fun when playing as Tamamao.

I also discovered that Bomb is a Code Cast that actually stuns on Guard, not Skills. Because Leo always casts it simultaneously with Gawain using Blade of Devotion, it means that it’s impossible to Guard it without taking a shitton of damage. No problem for Caster’s Aphotic Cave or Archer’s Raw Ass, but I dunno how Saber’s supposed to tank it short of letting it murderize her and just coming back with Thrice-Setting Sun. But that’s a problem for another time.

’cause it’s NP time!

“MY RETINAS AGAIN”
“Sorry my king.”

“Goodness, look at the time.”

“IT’S PAIN O’CLOCK.”

“Oh hey this isn’t so bad.”

“NOPE IT’S BAD IT’S VERY VERY BAD”

“EVERYTHING IS FIRE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

He uses Excalibur Galatine once his health drops below half, and it might increase in damage the less health he has but don’t quote me on that.

He also has a degraded version of Numeral of the Saint. It’s an short-lived buff that cuts damage received severely, but at the health levels he starts using it it’s too little too late really.

And I finally manage to get off Land of Eternal Bane. Yeah. Check dat HP. Risky shit to try and cast this skill at least once is possibly why I died about four times to Gawain.

“Kaaaaaaaaa…”

“Meeeeee…”

“Haaaaa…. meeeeeeeeee…”

“HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”
“Numeral of the Saint, didn’t do jack shit!”

“FUCK IT”

“BARF”

The final boss is defeated. Hakuno has won the Moon Cell Grail War, and earned ownership of the Holy Grail. But there’s still one last loose end.

We all know how this story ends.

… I don’t understand. Even though my heart has been pierced through, it feels like the hole is filled.”

He smiles.

I wasn’t even capable of imagining what defeat was. I didn’t think I was flawless. I just had no fear. The way normal people’s hearts quiver… mine never did.”

‘One more time’. ‘I won’t lose next time’… These are complex feelings. ‘I don’t want to give up’. That’s a compelling feeling. But all of them are positive. I feel bitterness and grief as well. And I fear meeting death.”

I had not understood the real meaning of any of these feelings.”

Though you knew what I needed most was to experience defeat, you still helped me win. You gave me your loyalty and risked your life for me. You knew that I would be defeated one day, but you tended to my growth anyway.”

If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have realized. I would have seen this defeat as a fluke and coldly ignored it.”

I am your sword, your knight. Your growth is my own. However…”

Leo turns away from where Gawain once knelt.

He’s crying.

I never even knew a basic feeling like this.”

I can’t retreat after coming so far down this path. Now that I know defeat, I can become a complete king… Now…”

(Goodbye, Leo. I’m sorry I succeeded where you failed.)

Let’s Play Fate/Extra – Part 22

When we last left Hakuno, she’d just discovered that she’s a Moon Cell NPC reproduction of someone who lived twenty years ago, and was forced to kill Julius again to finally put him to rest.

Funnily enough, she still isn’t taking it very well the next day.

I’m almost positive that guy wanted everything about him to remain inscrutable, even his death. He may have been a dastardly villain, but at the very least he had a sense of shame. And he was an assassin; it’s not like he wanted anyone’s approval. He chose strength above all else. If you must remember anything at all about him, remember that even in the end, he still had his pride.”
“I guess.”

“Yeah. Speaking of which, should probably go see Rin. Tell her about stuff.”

“Yeah yeah yeah we’ve all heard this song and dance before, Rin. I made it this far because of you.”

That’s it… I wasn’t doing anything for you…! Okay maybe I helped you out a little…”
“B-baka.”
“YOU’RE A BAKA. But all of your victories were a result of your hard work. I had very little to do with them. Remember, the final battle still remains.”

Leo and his Servant are the trump card the Western plutocrats hope will get them the Holy Grail. Their strength is such that even Lancer and I could not face them unaided. However-”

“Wooo, let’s cross our fingers and hope Leo trips on the stairs and dies.”
“It’s odd for me to say such a thing. Even odder is that although you’re strong, I can’t say how. Remember, you’re just as powerful as Leo; when the time comes to face him, do not hold back.”
“Why start now.”

“You just told me I’m as strong as Leo. Am I supposed to take that like bad news?”
“Well… I… just go to the Arena for today dammit!”

Rin smacks Hakuno on the back in a fit of tsun-rage to make sure she leaves. On the way to the Arena however, Tamamo materializes in an antsy fashion. Despite how transparent she’s acting, she tries to urge Hakuno into the Arena. Hakuno just asks what’s going on.

“Come on, Tamamo. You can talk to me about anything. And you have. Several times. In horrifying detail.”

I’m pretty good at fooling the Moon Cell’s surveillance, but I may have messed up this time… But this time, Tamamo really screwed up! I won’t be able to hide my mistake… More or less.”
“Moon Cell surveillance? What’re you talking about?”

Servants generated by the Moon Cell are obligated to protect it at all costs. For example, if a Master tried to destroy the system, we Servants would be required to stop them. That’s the gist of it, anyway. And if a Servant puts their Master over the system… that Servant would be deleted from the Moon Cell.”
“… are you trying to tell me you’ve been ignoring that rule since the beginning?”

Yeah, let’s continue with this train of thought, shall we?”
“Tamamo-“
“Um… I’m sorry to have dumped this on you, Master. Tamamo will figure this out on her own. Just forget everything I said. From now on, I’ll be totally untouchable, so no worries!”

Tamamo does an energetic fistpump and dematerializes again, forcing a smile. This does exactly the opposite of making Hakuno forget about what she just said.

Returning to the Arena, Julius’ death has dispelled the hacked-in barriers all over the first floor of this round’s variant, so we’re free to explore. Around halfway through, however, Hakuno decides that enemies are scarce enough that they can take a breather and she can ask Tamamo what’s on her mind again.

And I’m pretty sure I can overcome any torture that the Moon Cell could possibly devise!”
“… Tamamo come on. Pretending nothing’s going on isn’t going to work. I’m not going to ignore how you’re feeling. Tell me what’s wrong.”

My fundamental role will always be to help my Master make it to the Holy Grail. That should be my only goal. So, I can’t allow you to put yourself in danger on my account. So forget about my petty problems and focus on the Holy Grail. Our next opponent is really strong, you know.”
“Why can’t you just trust me, Tamamo!?”

“We’re not just Master and Servant, okay? We’ve helped each other our way too much for that.”
“Uh… um… I don’t deserve such kindness… That’s why… I can’t… ask for…”

Tamamo’s voice cracks.

“Fuck the Moon Cell. You’re my waifu and I’ll do what I want with my laifu.”

“Y’see this kawaii shit you keep pulling!? You’re way too fucking adorable to leave all alone to the Moon Cell.”

Unfortunately, Hakuno’s blatant mooning of the Moon Cell has not gone unnoticed.

“HOLY SHIT TAMAMO, TABUU BROKE OUT OF BRAWL TO SHIT ON YOU FOR WHORING LITTLE MAC’S SIDE-B”
“IF IT WORKS IT WORKS OKAY I’M NOT GOOD AT BUTTONS”

It looks like the hidden stats that govern my affection towards you have been maxed out! I-I’m so sorry! I knew this was going to cause you a whole bunch of trouble!”

Isn’t that right, my dear Master?”
“Look at my sassy-ass pose and tell me what I think.”

Now, just sing out a command, Master! I’ll show how brave I can be! I’m getting SO EXCITED!”

How strong is the power of friendship?

Pretty fucking strong. The SE.RA.PH punishment program only has 9,999 HP. It didn’t even last long enough to ruin its butthole with Eightfold Blessings of Amaterasu.

[Hakuno disrespects her surroundings.]

The next day Taiga has one final request for us.

“I AM NOT GIVING YOU THE HOLY GRAIL”

But in more important news, we’ve got a certain tsun-tsun magus to talk to.

“Come be Fabulous with me.”

“It’s fairly easy to assume, but go ahead. I’m interested.“

For the past 20 years, the world has been in stasis. Things have neither gotten better or worse. I agree with Leo about one thing. Change ignites conflict, so maybe stasis isn’t such a bad thing… That’s what I thought at first. Then I realized just how joyless life has become for everyone. Without change, there will be no chance for things to improve no matter how much time passes. The only thing that can happen in such a world is that people stop living, and merely exist.”

My goal was to overthrow those who have traded progress for stability and give humanity a real future. I fought alongside others for many years, but out foe’s power was too much to overcome. But the Holy Grail contains enough power to topple the mightiest of foes. That’s why I’m here.”

After all, only the winning Master has the right to make a wish, not a drop-out like me. But… I just wanted you to know why I entered and how I felt…. that I am basically a rash and impetuous person who’d choose chaos over complacency.”
“No wonder we get along so famously.”

(… but what happens to her when the Moon Cell Grail War ends…?)

Don’t worry, I’ll find a loophole. Now stop thinking about me and start focusing on Leo.”
“I’ll try not to get distracted by fantasizing about that lunch we’ll be having.”
“Heh, yeah. Can’t wait.”

On the way to the Arena for the day, Hakuno runs into Leo. Sans Gawain for once.

And it is a credit to my brother that you have held out until the very end. Thank you for that. You have my gratitude.”

While he said he believed in me, he really just believed in his childhood promise to his mother… but he must have been happier that way.”
(… at least he died thinking about her.)
“Anyway, you did well by my brother. I know he would want to thank you. And-”

“I told you not to manifest, Gawain.”
“but-”
“He said fuck off Goldilocks.”

After a beat, Gawain dematerializes.

“I beg to fucking differ, but go on.”
“In any case, our battle commences in just four days. I look forward to the unparalleled battle ahead of us, Hakuno.”
“… yeah. Me too.”

Back in the Arena, there’s a remarkable change of pace.

The very last Arena configuration and it’s the only one with the sun up. Curious…

On the way through the Arena, I pick up the Staff of Rebuke Formalwear to finally get a better version of MP Heal. It’s something. Not far into the Arena floor, however, and Tamamo senses Leo enter with Gawain. Rather than be constantly ambushed all the time, the Master and Servant pair decide to take the fight to their enemy this time.

Nice to meet you, Caster. I look forward to fighting you from the bottom of my heart.”
“Oh reeeeally? So what if I said let’s fight now? Do you want to?”

“What the fuck bruh.”
“Please accept her challenge, as I would like to have a taste of my opponent’s power.”
“As you command.”

That’s a joke of course. Fox ears aren’t my cup of tea.”
“You shouldn’t have talked about the ears.”
“Why-?”
[Inelegant blubbering]

Gawain draws his sword, which Tamamo recognizes immediately as Excalibur Galantine, the sister sword to Arthur/Arturia’s legendary which has a fragment of the sun inside it.

Battle begins, and the pair show off multiple abilities in rapid succession. Gawain has Divine Aegis, a Luck buff…

And Siege Perilous, which improves his Guard.

He is also invincible. Uh-oh.

One of Leo’s Code Cast slots appears to be taken up by Bomb, which if I recall correctly is the one that causes Stun if the target is trying to use a Skill. Dangerous stuff.

Gawain can also put his money where his mouth is regarding his sword being built around a bit of the sun.

Slightly mistimed sadly, but you get the idea.

By the time SE.RA.PH breaks up the fight like the Matrix’s answer to a schoolyard monitor, Tamamo is exhausted but Gawain doesn’t even have a scratch on him. There’s some powerful bullshit afoot here.

But there’s one more thing to take care of today. Namely the final Information Matrix conversation, unlocked by defeating the SE.RA.PH punishment program side-by-side with Tamamo the previous day. So let’s take care of that, shall we?

Or is it that you just want to give in to your animalistic urges and see what happens, thinking ‘to hell with the final battle!’?”

Her priorities are as straight as ever.

Geddit.

“I dunno, I guess I’m just still wondering… why are you so eager to serve me? Since, y’know, you’re a god.”
“I already told you why. Because I like serving humans.”
“So, what, you’d have been just as happy serving anyone?”
“Of course. I do have my standards, but in general anyone would be fine. I initially responded to your summons because I heard you calling out for help. It was almost like an arranged marriage! I mean, there’s absolutely no spiritual connection between us.”

Funnily enough, Hakuno feels kinda conflicted about this little piece of information.

Does the person one chooses to serve have to be someone special from the very beginning?”
“I… guess not? I mean I guess personal preference isn’t the best judge of who you should serve. More like what they want to accomplish?”
“Yes, you’ve got it exactly right! I’d expect nothing less from my dear Master! I will only serve those whose intentions and actions are ultimately good. Whether they are male or female, child or adult, or even a saint or sinner, only their intentions matter. That is one priciple I will never betray. Regardless of my notoriety, I want the one I serve to be content. It’s just… *chuckle* I become infatuated somewhat easily and can’t help but like the person I serve.”
“Really? I hadn’t noticed ”
“Don’t be mean, Master. This time, it was love at first sight! Seriously, I’m being completely honest! If I devote even just a tiny bit of myself once, I’ll stay with the one I serve until the very end! To stand by my Master until their spirit transcends reincarnation; that is all Tamamo-no-mae wishes for!”
“Wow. That’s… you really like me, don’t you?”
“That’s it exactly, so stop worrying and just acknowledge Tamamo as your blushing bride. In fact, do it right here, right now. As a reward, I want a loving embrace and a passionate kiss.”
“Don’t make me get the spray bottle.”
“Not the spray bottle! :C”
“But… something’s still kinda bothering me. Humans hunted you down and killed you. Why don’t you want revenge on us instead?”

Mmm… I guess it can’t be helped. I’m usually not one for talking about myself, but I can’t let my Master have any misconceptions about me.”

The background darkens and becomes strings of binary as Tamamo begins her story.

An aspect of Amaterasu, Tamamo’s fascination with humanity began when she first left Izumo. She was curious about humanity, how they could be happy when their lives were so short and fragile. At first she wanted to use her powers to punish evil but her curiosity grew too strong once she saw how happy they were in devotion.

She incarnated as a courtesan named Mizukume, losing all memory of her life as Tamamo-no-Mae. Emperor Toba fell in love with her at first sight, taking her into his palace. But one day, her powers came back. She woke up to discover that her fox-ears had returned, and was forced to try and hide them as best she could for fear of being discovered. A court diviner saw through her attempts at disguise, and Tamamo was hunted from the moment she fled the palace.

The first army that came, she killed to the man. All 80,000 of them. The second she did nothing to. She stood under a never-ending hail of arrows for three days and nights, trying to tell them that she didn’t mean to trick anyone and just wanted to leave. Right before the end, Tamamo realized her mistake. No matter how humans devote themselves to the gods and worshipping them, no matter how much they sacrifice for faith, they never be like them. It will always be for nothing.

The hunter Miura-no-Suke fired an enchanted arrow, and this one hit its mark.

In fact, it’d be a-okay if you threw me to the ground and gave in to your overwhelming carnal desires!”

Tamamo leaps on Hakuno. She manages to wrestle the excitable foxgirl away at the last second.

“I guess I’m just naturally talented at handling vulpine waifus. Especially the ones that are still this eager after… everything that’s happened to them.”
“That’s just how I am. That, and it brings me joy to be an important part of someone’s life. Although I am not human, it warms my heart to be needed by someone. To add to that… I’ve already experienced that feeling of warmth, Master. I am your Servant. My soul yearns to serve, and I have to confess that I’ve come to truly like you. I once made an enemy with nature due to my desire to be human, which went against divine providence. But it’s different for me now. I want nothing more than to serve you, my dear Master. But if us gods who love humans have to protect them in spite of divine providence, then so be it. So, please allow me to stay by your side until the very end.”

Until my selfish desires shatter it to pieces with my Eightfold Blessing of Amaterasu, I will protect you!”
“…”
“… what’s wrong? Is it something I said? DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG!? D:”
“Come here and fucking hug me you piece of shit god dammit I hate you so much.”
“:)”

Let’s Play Fate/Extra – Part 21

Hakuno’s phone chimes to inform her of the bulletin board update, but it’s not like she needs it. There’s only one person left to kill.

Leo and Gawain. Frustratingly, the game still refuses to acknowledge the fact that Leo outright told us his Servant’s true name. By rights you should get Rank E, or at least like level 3 Information Matrix, right off the bat. But I digress.

Once again, I wish you luck.”

He’s trying to keep his usual air of cool detachment, but he can’t. He’s audibly excited for the final round of the Moon Cell Grail War.

When I first saw you, you were an industrious, adaptive and rather forgettable individual.”
“Gee. Thanks.”
“Over the course of this war, you’ve grown immeasurably, as if suited to the soil of battle. Now the you standing in front of me is a fitting opponent, not just in ability but in countenance. *giggle* I’m as enamoured with this feeling of competition as a little girl with a fairy tale.”
“… you’re new at this whole ‘human interaction’ thing, aren’t you?”
“My nannies said I was such a good boy growing up that everyone in the world looked up to me.”
“And like that a lot of things start making sense.”

Now I feel this fight with you is a necessary step in the process of my ascension to the throne. For showing me a side of the world I had not yet known, you have my deepest gratitude.”
“… wow. Do you have any concept of the fucking universe beyond how it applies to you?”
“I don’t follow.”
“You are just impossible.”

It has been an obstacle. The time to exchange words has passed with this now-worthy opponent. You also require rest. A king must be at his best. Let us put an end to this posturing.”

You’ll notice two weird things about Gawain. One, the game refuses to give him a nametag despite his being introduced by name like four weeks ago. Two, for a pure knight of the Round Table who condemned Lancelot forever for his sins… he’s kind of a fucking asshole.

This will become a running theme for Gawain.

I will take my leave now. I look forward to your next audience with me, on the final battlefield.”
“I don’t.”

(The final week. The final match. The final opponent. Leo’s a shitbird but he’s King Shitbird. Can I really compete with that?

Well.

I guess we’re both king of the hill at the moment.

All that’s left is seeing who pushes the other one off first.)

I mean I can’t really argue that kings are better than most people, or that he isn’t a born winner. But that little prince is wrong to think he can beat you and me in a battle of abilities!”

Some people doubt in gods, but I could never doubt in you, Master! That makes you better.”
“… wow Tamamo. That actually means a lot-“
“Well, some gods are better than others. But you’re better than some forgotten old idol!”
“… I’ll take it.”
“Damn right you will, mai husbando.”

“Don’t say that.”
“But if it’s only the tiniest bit possible, I’d like to continue being of use to my Master.”

She bows.

Caster de-materializes out of embarrassment. She’s still there, though – just like she always has been.

Out in the hallway, Hakuno is ambushed by Kotomine.

I welcome you to the final confrontation, Master. The Holy Grail is almost within your reach. The omnipotent construct that’ll grant any wish, any desire… Can you feel how close it is?”

He smiles dismissively. Keeping his yuetsu-game strong as ever.

The way to the first floor of the seventh Arena is open. But first…

(I guess I was taking Flower Girl for granted. She got so far in the seeds after all. Now she’s gone.

Just like Rani.)

Inside, we say goodbye to Touko and Aoko Aozaki. We might not get another chance after all. They didn’t have much to do with the story – they were really only here for more Tsukihime references. Still, they helped out. We wouldn’t have gotten as far as we did without their help upgrading Caster.

In the hallway to the Arena, Caster pipes up once again.

“Heh. You could say that.”

But my skin was soft and my ears were perky this morning. What’s wrong with my face, Master? Is it scurvy? Yellow fever? The Black Plague!? BLACKHEADS!?!?!”
“Calm down, Tamamo. There’s nothing wrong with you. Just the opposite actually.”

“You have no right to be this fucking kawaii.”

It’s annoying to have to prepare, but the opponent is quite strong.”

“It’s not like I can get distracted by your booty. There’s a giant fluffy tail in the way.”
“Yeah but you might want to touch it.”
“Maybe later.”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”

Caster is meant to be doing a fistpump in this screenshot. My timing was so unfortunate that it looks like she’s about to lay Hakuno out on her ass. Close enough.

Although, before we forget, let’s go visit our kind friend Sakura one more time.

Sakura’s Amazing Lunch is ‘an improved version of Sakura’s beloved lunch. Its savour stays on the tongue like a fine wine.’ Her cooking game so strong that not only does it heal all status effects but it does close to 100% health recovery. Sakura’s Cooking skill too OP, would watch cook-off between her and Asuna.

The Arena isn’t quite what we expected. Mostly because it feels like being submerged in liquid loathing and every single side-path is blocked off by locked doors made of hate.

Damn right it’s not Leo or Gawain making this. It’s a far more familiar feeling. A ghost from the past…

The only path remaining still holds these walls of darkness. There’s no recourse but to pass through them.

Luckily Caster is on-hand to bring Hakuno back from the halfway world. But that doesn’t change the feeling of dread and hatred permeating the entire Arena floor. A light yet noticeable static filter covers the screen as Hakuno forges on.

-Less than useless. This individual has no right to exist and has nothing to contribute to the future.-

-No value. No ability. It’s a failure. Its design is flawed. The rate of aging is twice that of a normal person. I predict that its lifespan will be 25 years at best.-

-What a failure. It’s hopeless. This is the most unforgivable of sins committed against nature.-

-It’d be understandable if it came from common stock, but it came from a superior life form!-

The voice stops. Hakuno reaches past it for the source. She sees a woman. A scene plays out in her mind.

A younger Julius’ voice. His memories. Alicia turns to him, but the memory has faded. She has no face.

The memories still distorted, Hakuno presses on to learn more.

*giggle* Making him wait just a little longer won’t be enough to get us in trouble. Anyway, Julius, you’re his son. Why don’t you call him “father”?

I can’t. I don’t have the right. I was not born with that which is needed to lead the Harways. The one who will succeed the throne is Master Leo.

That’s how it is… Tell me, what is it that he has been so occupied with as of late?

He is receiving training by having knowledge burned into his brain. It’s a sound thaumaturgical process.

… All of that horrible surgery and he’s only three… even as his mother I so rarely see him.

Master Leo will one day stand at the pinnacle of the plutocracy the Harways have built in Europe.

The ruler of Western Europe… A burden that pains a mother to see her child shoulder… Julius-

Hakuno desperately reaches past it, searching for what lies at the deepest level.

“I’m fine.”
“No you’re not Master, you have to stop this-”
“No. He’s waiting. He’s waited long enough.”

The deep, abiding grudge that weighs over the entire Arena floor only intensifies, but Hakuno continues to approach the source. She is not disappointed.

You defeated me, but I have returned because of a question I wish to ask you. I will not be defeated by one such as you. I cannot allow myself to fall to one such as you… I don’t quite understand what exactly is driving me, but it is those feelings that brought me here.”
“I don’t understand, Julius. Please I just… I just want to understand.”
“Of course, how could you?! This is truly just too funny. Am I the only one who knows who and what you really are ?!”

(… what I really am.)

After I fell I became a ghost. While falling through the perdition created by SE.RA.PH, I fought to continue on! Right at the end, I saw the truth! As the Moon Cell began to tear me apart, I saw what you really were!”
“… why did you come back? Is it really just duty?”
“That’s exactly right. I could accept defeat at the hands of any other Master but you. You being the one to defeat me is unacceptable. Whether this world lives or dies should be decided by us. Choices that will determine the fate of the world should be made by those living in the present. Not by you; A relic of the past like you should not be allowed to influence what happens in the here and now!”
“… what did you just-“

The changes that must be made in this era will need to be done by us. That’s it. That must be the reason. That’s my one responsibility. That is what keeps me trapped here. Ah… but nothing matters. Please, put me out of my misery. Round six has already come and gone. One more person… one last victim… once I kill you, my duty will be done.”

Assassin hasn’t returned unscathed either.

Because that’s not Julius’ arm. It’s another Master’s. By stealing their Command Seals and grafting them onto his own body, Julius has corrupted Assassin into a Berserker.

Now, burn to ashes!”

Caster fears that Li Shuwen will be even more powerful with Mad Enhancement, but her fears are unfounded. Over the course of the class change, he lost the ability to perform his Noble Phantasm. All he gained was a new direct-damage skill.

It’s no replacement for No Second Strike.

I put him out of his misery.

Still screaming in rage, he’s finally allowed to disappear. Julius hunches over in pain as his stolen Command Seals begin to fade all over again.

The serenity in your eyes… Though I cannot understand why, you actually have some pity for me.”

… you were right, you know. It’s exactly what you guessed. The Holy Grail, the Harways… none of that really mattered. When I was young, only one person ever showed me love. Me, who had never been loved before. No one can live without love. Not even someone like me, whose life had no value otherwise. There was a woman who taught me that my life had value. She died without any warning. It was so sudden- In order to secure Leo’s inheritance-”

… I can no longer clearly remember the exact events. Looking back on it, the whole incident seems so surreal. I liken it to a badly-made movie; poorly made, laughably acted, and generally done in poor taste. But since then, my purpose was clear. I would work to grant her final wish, and then… join her in death.”

But I could accept that. Because in trying to grant her wish, I had a motivation in life. But you- while destroying my cause, you didn’t finish me off… why?”
“I… I wanted to save you. I thought that’s what you wanted all along.”

Never considering that there might be hope, or another path. My whole life I’ve been an insect, desperately drawn to a single light far ahead of me.”

I may live the same way again. Even if my dark journey ends in pain, it means everything to see light at the end of the path.”

Yellow light gleams off his eyes as he raises his head. Seeing what Hakuno can’t see, what she can’t be – the person who can save him.

No- don’t shed tears for me…”

He reaches out to Hakuno to wipe them away from her cheeks. His hands fade away before he can even reach her.

Julius smiles.

“… goodbye, Julius.”

Let’s Play Fate/Extra – Part 20

A fight between friends is a rare bird here. Not often do combatants understand one another so well. I plan to watch your fight with great relish.”
“Has anyone ever told you you’re an immense fucking asshole?”
“Disregard morality, acquire yuetsu.”

As always, it’s time to consolidate our info prior to the battle.

How I wish this was the actual name of Berserker’s Noble Phantasm.

We all know who this guy is. If nothing else, the immense pheasant tail headdress he wears gives the game away immediately. Lu Bu Feng Xian. Apparently he’s much weaker in the Berserker class since he can’t think tactically and he only gets to keep two of the God Force’s five forms. Which kind of bugs me – it seems like “if this Heroic Spirit were anybody but a Berserker they’d be way stronger” is the rule rather than the exception. Why can’t it be more like Lancelot where he’s an equal to Saber but the enhancements of being a Berserker make him fucking nuts oh jesus clear out before he finds you.

Regardless.

The inevitable must proceed.

I wish you the best of luck today.”

… I have no questions of my own, but do you have any for me?”
“… why are you fighting, Rani? Why did you come to the Moon Cell in the first place?”

Because I have been permitted to know a part of the Magnum Opus.”
“What’s the… ‘Magnum Opus’?”

My professor told me that this war can lead to that transformation. Don’t worry. Though my professor doesn’t know how, what happens here is of import.”
“Why did you become an alchemist to begin with?”

I was created to be an alchemist, and so I am one, and I desire to act as one to fulfil my mission.”

She doesn’t know what she’s doing! But that’s good news for you, Master! Even you can’t feel bad about killing a doll!”
“…”
“Master? You’re doing that thing again where you don’t talk and it’s freaking me out.”
(Yeah. Just a doll. Not a real person. Just like someone else I know.)

The elevator stops and Rani smiles.

Well then… It’s been a pleasure meeting you.”
“… likewise.”

When the moon rises in the southern sky, all impurities will be cleansed and the proper conclusion reached.”

Master, we ought to teach her what magic is all about.”

It stands to reason that Rani and Lu Bu were going to be the toughest fight yet, but you have no idea how true that holds. Everybody adheres to the ‘only two Code Casts’ rule, and Rani happens to have used both slots on buffs. The strongest Magic buff in the game-

And the strongest Defence buff in the game. Thus further augmenting Lu Bu to TRULY absurd levels. He also has a self-buff called Armistice which adds Stun to Break.

Even Merciful Sky enhanced spells barely chip this guy’s immense health bar. This right here is me doing about 10% of his health in one attack, but it costs Tamamo 90 MP to do so. The best way to pour on the damage is to use Blessings of Amaterasu, but you can only use your Noble Phantasm once per battle and you really want to save Tamamo’s for the end of the fight. You’ll see why in a bit.

Remember Fallible Bow? I’m pretty sure it does Magic damage.

Fucking ow.

And that’s all before he decides to use his Noble Phantasm, which becomes available once he’s below half health.

“RAAAAAAAAAAGH!” (Translation: “UNLIMITED BLADE WORKS PUN”)

He whips out a sick halberd combo as a mere appetizer.

Then appears to draw out both available forms of the God Force at once.

Thus proving his Penis-Extension Arrow game to be even stronger than GARcher’s.

Well that arrow doesn’t seem so impress-

JESUSFUCK

It did 784 damage, enough that it killed me even though I was using Aphotic Cave. Keep in mind that Aphotic Cave absorbs roughly 90% of an attack. DO NOT PURSUE INDEED.

So hey. Remember how I said to save your Noble Phantasm until the end of the fight? That’s ’cause Mr. Lu Bu here doesnt

Stay.

Fucking.

Dead.

He has a self-buff called Immortal Red Hare which does basically the same thing as Saber’s Thrice-Setting Sun – it revives him with 10% health if you kill him. Which is, as you can plainly see, a bit over 3k health. Which I can only wipe out in one turn using a Merciful Sky buffed skill, which costs 90 MP as I explained, and MP Heal can only go so far.

What I’m saying is that fighting Lu Bu was like putting my dick in a vice while one of the rape-goblins Patton Oswalt talked about that one time gave me the world’s most violent prostate exam.

In the end I got lucky and happened to have just enough MP after a resurrection to oneshot his ass.

I mean you could probably make this easier by equipping Formal Wear that lets you stun him on Skills and erase buffs, BUT THAT WOULD JUST BE SILLY AND BORING AMIRITE.

I also forgot to use Land of Eternal Bane even though I was under 30% HP a fair fucking amount of the battle.

rip in pieces me.

But in the end, we have triumphed.

Which means someone’s about to go.

Berserker’s roars fade with him, and the Colosseum is silent once more.

Rani seems unconcerned. She simply traces her Command Seals as they fade, whispering something.

Until her fingers disintegrate.

She smiles.

“Goodbye.”

(… goodbye, Rani.)

Let’s Play Fate/Extra – Part 19

The next day, Rin pings us to meet her on the roof – the Scarlet Formal Wear is ready.

For a given value of ‘ready’. See, it’s an augmentative piece of Atlas tech that Rin ‘borrowed’ through a chain of shady deals. However, it was designed to be used by a specific magus – the only reason Rin hasn’t used it herself yet is because she hasn’t been able to gain its ‘approval’. A powerful enemy must be defeated to unlock it. So time to trawl the Arena! First though – Taiga wants us to retrieve more food from the Arena to save it for deletion. Because she’s Taiga.

In so doing it has accumulated a record of the creation of life, evolution, and civilization.”

And some more ominous titbits from Flower Girl.

And oh boy, the enemy Servant is here too. It’s okay though, at least we’ll be able to finally see which one it is-

God dammit Mystery Master.

Whatever Heroic Spirit it is based on must be super famous. I’ll have to give this a little effort…”

A battle ensues with the Effigy It’s not meant to be the Servant itself, just a proxy, but apparently it’s close enough that the SE.RA.PH battle prevention system kicks in at full force. It has a truly absurd amount of HP, and none of its actions are revealed. Luckily it only acts about three times per round to make it more realistic to survive.

Its dick is simply too big for Tamamo to handle.

Our enemy is a Berserker, and I’m happy just learning that. You won’t get any sour grapes from this fox!”

And yet despite the complete dearth of information, Tamamo’s assumption that it must be a Berserker is enough to level up the enemy Information Matrix to level 2. Despite Rin saying the exact same fucking thing a couple of days ago which is what got us to level 1. Either way, it’s blocking the way to the second half of this Arena floor, so there’s nothing doing now.

Speaking of Rin, the next day we hoof it up to the roof to bother her about things again.

It’s just… I can’t talk about it here. Come see me in the Nurse’s Office this afternoon.”

All that other highly illegal shit Rin’s been blabbing about on the roof, that was fine. But this? Oh boy, better turf Sakura out again.

Oh, and that conversation? Enough to rank up the Information Matrix once more to level 3. And all that was said was “yep that’s definitely a Berserker right there”. ALL OVER AGAIN, AUGH.

*Snicker* Don’t forget. It could be ME! DIO!”
[Hakuno makes a jerkoff gesture]

It wasn’t provided by the system, so they must have constructed it themselves. What skill.”
“Yeah yeah fascinating, doesn’t really do me much good beating it though.”
“Listen here lady I deal in vague foreshadowing and flower-arranging so if you don’t want an ominous prophecy or a bouquet of roses then jog on.”

The minute Hakuno steps into Sakura’s office, Rin grabs her and yanks her behind the curtain.

“And a sheet will help prevent that?”
“Work with me here, Hakuno!”

If that’s the case, I can give you an Anti-Berserker Firewall Bypass I prepared earlier. You’ll have a serious advantage against a Berserker, even one that’s a doll.”
“Alright, cool. Lay it on me.”
“… phrasing. Alright, you asked for it.”

Problem is that Rin needs to get intimate to transfer the bypass.

Very intimate.

“Are you gonna have to French me for firmware updates?”
“Would you.”
“Heh. Doesn’t this just bring back memories? Of the last time we conspired under Sakura’s nose I mean.”

I’m glad you’re the one who saved me. If it’d been another Master, they’d be fighting alone. And also-”
” ‘Also’?”
“No. It’s nothing.”

Back in the Arena, we face off against the Berserker effigy once more.

Wait, this is actually good. I feel really energized from that firewall bypass we got earlier. We might be able to break that stupid effigy into splinters. Let’s go shatter it!”

A trickster fox like me will see through your disguise no problem!”

The Firewall Bypass probably effectively halves the Berserker Effigy’s HP. Soooo…

EAT SHIT.

It teleports away, but now the way is clear and we’ve got like 3000 XP, so I’m calling it a win.

“I wonder what counts as a ‘worthy enemy’ when we just beat up a huge Berserker-Effigy.”

“… you’re fucking joking.”

There’s no fox who doesn’t love eating a nice fat fish.”
“I am sorely tempted to use my last Command Seal and eat deletion just so I can stop you ever making a pun like that ever again.”
“You looooove iiiiiit~”

We carve cyber-Jonah out of the cyber-whale with liberal application of magical explosions heightened by Bestial Sky. I blew almost all of Tamamo’s mana on this fucking fish and it still reduced her to 1hp at one point. With poison.

The whale poisoned someone.

Deadly poisonous Zanzibar whales. Truly the Moon Cell Grail War is hell.

“Lemme just check it out-“

“Hooray. I’ve satisfied my clothing. Wanna talk about dressing to impress, I just had to impress to dress.”
“… Master that was terrible.”
“Yes. But I’m allowed to make shitty jokes.”
“:[“

“I feel uncomfortable all of a sudden.”
“QUIT BITCHING AND GET NAKED, WAIFU.”

It’s a straight upgrade over the heal64( ); Formal Wear I’ve had equipped for a while now, so back in the closet for you! Tellingly, the Scarlet Formal Wear is not transferred when going into NG+.

The next day at the usual spot, Hakuno and Rin compare notes once more. Rin gives Hakuno the old elevator-eyes. There’s a break in the case.

But it’s probably better if you find out who they are for yourself, Hakuno. The only thing I feel I can tell you now is the name of your opponent’s Noble Phantasm.”
“How can you possibly know that?”
“I have jack all to do now that I’m out of the running. It’s basically been 24/7 Wikipedia and TVTropes. Its true name is God Force, AKA Sky Piercer. It belonged to a famous Chinese general. A weapon of mass destruction, it is capable of every kind of attack possible. Meaning, of course…”
“…”

(Yeah. Meaning exactly what it’s always meant. What I would’ve figured out on day one if I wanted to. Four Masters left and Leo isn’t my opponent for this round. Fifty-fifty shot it was her from the start. But…)

(… but I have a promise to keep.

I knew this would happen from the start. Kill or be killed. But I just wish…)

“Hey, don’t worry, okay? I’m fine. I’m used to it by now. You’ll keep your waifu, promise.”
“Yeah! I’ll welcome them with a fire so scorching it will crack the earth!”
“That’s the spirit.”

(… just once.)

“Not yet. I’m kinda going shit this round, heh. You’d think I’d be better at this by now.”

Rani walks away.

Hakuno calls out to her to wait.

“I… I really liked the lunch you made me.”

“Yeah. Best lunch I’ve had in a month and a half.”
“Thank you.”

And so Rani departs. Not to return until tomorrow.

I gained a few levels in my multiple trips to the Arena, so let’s spent ’em. Fortuitously, these last few skill points are enough to bump Tamamo over her final milestone – 99 skill points spent unlocks her final skill, Land of Eternal Bane. It deals heavy damage and inflicts Poison when cast while Tamamo’s HP is below 30%. Due to a translation fuckup, the tooltip says above 30%. Gee whilickers am I lucky I have you guys to point that out.

Meanwhile, Taiga has our reward.

I don’t know why the fuck I’m still doing these.

And no one can call me the weakest Servant now! Thanks to you, I was able to show my true powers. Please accept this token of my appreciation for all your hard work, dear Master. It might seem a tad battle fetishy, but I’m sure you can appreciate it as a nuble young Master! Of course I meant that in the biblical sense. I hope you continue to hunt down rare creatures. Let’s show everyone who the alpha animals are!”
“God you are just like… a perpetual motion machine of happiness, aren’t you?”
“It’s my second Noble Phantasm, didn’t anyone tell you? :3”
“What did I tell you about that face young lady.”
“Nyoro~n.”
“Now move over, I’m going to Tip The Scales all over your asshole.”
“No shut up I have perfected my Castration K.O. Punch technique it is undefeatable.”

I missed one of the Nephilim spawns, so I got this upgrade slightly later than I could have. Regardless, I got it in time for the Elimination Match. Bestial Sky has now changed into Merciful Sky, improving the 150% damage bonus to a 300% one. Get hyped for free quadruple-damage spells cast within the effect of Blessings of Amaterasu.

Case in point.

“… yeah.”
“I’m happy, you know. Happy that you still want to fight. I’ll do my best, too. I’m proud to be your Servant. I’ll give it my all tomorrow.”
“… thanks, Tamamo.”

Let’s Play Fate/Extra – Part 18

Time to discover Hakuno’s penultimate opponent.

… well it would be. Except that information has been completely destroyed. Tamamo realizes pretty quickly that it must have been the enemy Master, hiding their identity to get a better chance at sneak-attacking us. Consulting Rin on the roof later, she has no argument – any Master good enough to still be alive is also good enough to crack into the Moon Cell at least to a degree. We head back down into the school to search for evidence and witnesses.

“Oooookaaaaay…”

If you tell NPC!Issei, he’ll promise to lecture the culprit for his transgression for eternity. Oh you.

A rather Hermetic obscuration of information… Proceed with great caution. The enemy is surely strong.”
“Yeah. Don’t worry about me. Just look after yourself, Rani.”

Asking around further, witnesses inform Hakuno of a mysterious person leaving just before she got to the bulletin board and heading for the chapel. Taiga, rather than being helpful, just wants another banned magazine removed from the school grounds. Shine on you crazy tiger.

The introspective flower-girl, still alive even in the penultimate round, informs Hakuno that she saw Leo staring pensively into the fountain a little while ago. In this same fountain, she finds and fishes out an intricately engraved lapel badge made of pure gold, bearing a rampant lion. For some reason it then interprets every conversation with another character as an accusation of guilt. It’s worth it solely for Kotomine’s reaction.

“You don’t want to know how many places to stick a Black Key I can find.”

Well, Shroedinger’s cat is both alive and dead… but quantum mechanics aside, there are some people more deserving of suspicion than others.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Sorry to bother you, Rani.”
“It was no trouble.”

The weirdo female student up here with a grudge against the Student Council NPCs is the bearer of the illicit magazine. For some reason she wants a student council badge in exchange. To the arena!

You shut your piehole creepy subtitle text.

“Ohjeez.”
“We don’t even know the name of the enemy this round, so let’s retreat and go into surveillance mode.”

It doesn’t take long for the pair to be discovered and desperately race for an open area where they can confront their pursuer.

It doesn’t go so great.

ANNNNNNND-

Fucking NOTHINNNNNNNG.

Whoever this round’s enemy is, they’ve bugged out. Both Tamamo and Hakuno can clearly sense their departure from the Arena. Whoever they are, they’re clearly talented enough to have added a switch-less door to the Arena. So we’ll have to return with some kind of plan if we want that Trigger code.

“Could be one of the other students. You know, the ones who were sure I’d die to Shinji, or failing that Dan. The ones who’re scared of me.”
“Yeah. Them.”

The next day, Hakuno decides to show the lapel badge to Rin. But first, making the trade!

“… coooooooool.” [backs away slowly]

Up on the roof, the hacked door preventing passage to the Trigger is brought up. A pretty serious problem – if both triggers aren’t found before the end of the week, DEAD END.

On the subject of the lapel badge, Rin recognizes it as the Harway crest immediately.

Whoops.

Time to show this to King Shit of Asshole Mountain!

“From the fountain. You know, exactly where you left it after you finished up scrubbing your name from the bulletin board.”
“Hardly. It appears it’s my brother’s bade… However, there seems to be a number of subtle alterations done to it. I fear someone may have placed it there intentionally as a red herring. Perhaps for the purpose of diverting your attention to me. However, I assure you that I am not your opponent this time around.”
“How can I be sure you aren’t?”
“What’s my Servant’s name?”
“Ga- … okay fair enough.”

Upon closer inspection, Leo realizes that the lapel badge is a code breaker. To be precise, it’s a key that connects to the Harway Beowulf cluster back on Earth. Through it, the Harways have been able to support Julius remotely, and grant him his haxxor powers. It’s the reason he was able to set up the Multimedia Room to watch Rin and Rani’s Elimination Match.

Leo shares Rin’s theory on Hakuno’s mystery opponent. For some reason or another, they don’t seem to want to face her directly. Regardless though, the lapel badge can still be used for its intended purpose – cracking that shit wide open.

“This doesn’t make us square, Mein Fuhrer. Not in the slightest.”
“Pardon me, but I’d like to return to this rather rare book, so let us end our conversation here.”
[Fumes silently]

So let’s head into the Arena and-

“JESUS FUCK THAT WAS QUICK”

Diving into the Arena, a huge flash of light and thunderous explosion leaves Tamamo and Hakuno reeling once inside.

If that strike had actually hit, there would probably just be Tamamo and Hakuno shaped smears on the wall. Even so, it was enough to rattle them around inside the Reality Marble that is the Arena. And once again, despite the mystery enemy’s overwhelming power, they leave rather than pursue the pair into the Arena.

In any case, we’ve got a Trigger code to nab!

[Spritzes with a water bottle.]
[Tamamo makes agitated fox noises and scampers out of range]

Right, so let’s head out and check the damage! Tomorrow, that is. Since the Arena seems capable of playing the Song of Time and force-advancing the day no matter what.

… yikes.

Rin swans in to explain further. The explosion was so huge that everyone else on campus heard and felt it. To compound matters, she confirms that only a Berserker could’ve caused so much damage with nothing but physical attacks.

The enemy Master has a Berserker as their Servant, yet still doesn’t want to face Hakuno directly…

“Eating makes me feel happy. Then sad again. But for like fifteen minutes it’s smooooth sailing.”

“Sweet! Food makes all problems go away.”
“The manual says that when a contest of wills comes to an impasse, you fight with lunch!”
“… wait ‘manual’?”
“Wh-What’s with that look on your face? In case you were wondering, I do know how to cook! I-It’s just that it has been so long since I made anything, it took me forever to finish.”
“Okay okay I’ll eat your lunch!”
“Wise decision.”

The two abscond to Classroom 2-A, right next door to Hakuno’s private room, for their private lunch.

When suddenly, Rani.

“Wh-What in the hell are you up to?! And why did you show up here all of a sudden anyway?!”
“I’m not ‘up’ to anything. I happened to come across some recipes and ingredients for survival rations. And given the current situation, I do not believe my discovery was merely a coincidence. I’ve been looking for you Hakuno Kishinami, because I think you’d appreciate these rations. … am I interrupting anything?”

Jesus Christ Rani hit the deck the Rinsplosion coming will be COSMIC.

“No need to be so rude. I assure you everything is not only edible but delicious.”
“Uhhh… well, the more the merrier, right? No harm?”

“Urgh… why are you so nonchalant all of a sudden? It seems totally out of character for you.”
“Funny, I was going to say the same thing about you. Aren’t you supposed to be the ever-rational magus?”

This will either go really well or really poorly. Let’s watch, kids!

It’s going poorly.

And then Hakuno asks Rin if she wants to try any of Rani’s food, since it’s really good.

“… something wrong?”
“No! It’s… nothing… I’ve had enough of… everything! It’s time for me to be going.”

And then Rin angrily packs up her lunch and storms out.

This is the kind of social critfail the likes of which you have never seen.

“Rani come on don’t be a dick.”

Though she may be my most serious rival, I can’t help but feel a little sorry for her! What makes it even worse is that you didn’t even touch the food she made for you! Jerk. If I had to sit there and listen to you compliment another girl’s lunch, I’d be in tears! Did you see the cuts on her hands? Her embarrassment? I hope she’s not crying somewhere alone.”
“… I gotta… um… seeya Rani. Thanks for lunch.”

“I mean I’m sorry. I didn’t think and I hurt your feelings and was generally a colossal taint all round.”
“… You’re sorry for what you’ve done to me? Next time… will you actually try to enjoy what I tried so hard to make for you?”

“Because I wanted to see you get butthurt again.”

“I mean it, though. I can’t promise anything. Mystery Master could kill me tomorrow for all I know.”
“… promise me. Then promise me something else. I will forgive what happened today, but you have to promise… that you’ll have lunch with me again some time.”
“… Alright. I promise.”

Back to business, Rin informs Hakuno that she has absolutely zero info on this week’s opponent, but regardless she’s going to help her as best she can.

“Is it a kamui? I bet it’s a kamui.”
“I would never-!”
“Thanks, Rin. For everything.”
“… yeah yeah.”

Dropping by the room before heading into the Arena though… there’s a little trouble in paradise. Namely, Tamamo is glaring sullenly from her usual perch and just in general looking like murder is on her mind.

Considering I’ve been unfailingly loyal, not to mention adorable, this whole subject angers me to no end. It’d really be great if you were to have some kind of really painful and humiliating accident right now. Then again, falling down a flight of stairs and breaking something would be inconvenient right now, so not that. Perhaps waking up as a potato bug would be more fitting… but way too gross, so that’s out, too. Maybe some tried-and-true centipedes… I know! Nothing screams ‘divine punishment’ quite like dysentary caused by eating mouldy bread! That’s exactly what I hope will happen to you!”
“… Jesus Christ Tamamo, what’s all this in aid of?”

I mean, it’s obvious your mind is busy with other things, like thinking about that girl!”
“… you what? You’re mad because I’m talking to Rin?”
“Oh no, of course not! Tamamo wouldn’t be angry AT ALL about that! I mean, I’m used to such treatment, after all. I mean, you’re a human after all, Master. Since time immemorial, humans have only played with humans. As for me, fox ears are fox ears! My fate is to have my body used until I’m skinned for my beautiful fur. So just leave me alone.”
“…”

Mou ichido onegai- I mean, could you say that again, please…?!”
“You’re the only one for me. Rin’s helped me out nearly the entire Grail War, but there’s only one person who’s been with me right from the start. That’s you, Tamamo. I wouldn’t be alive right now if it wasn’t for you. And when you asked for that second Command Seal against Rani’s Servant I didn’t even have to think about it.”

M-My dear Master! It’s safe to assume that what you meant to say was ‘be my wife’ right?!”
“Whoah hey now-“
“I have the video to prove it! It’s on a continuous loop and the play count is already over a thousand! The number of comments completely block out the picture at this point! It’s the only video in my playlist and as a memorial to myself will be preserved there for all eternity!”
“H-hey now don’t go crazy-“
[Tamamo literally starts jumping for joy]
“Nevermind.”

“Course not. Stop being such an idiot.”
“YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS! Husband, GET!”
“Waifu.”
“SEMANTICS! Now that this is all settled, we WILL survive until the end, even if it kills me! I won’t let anyone or anything lay a finger on Tamamo’s husband, no matter how powerful they are!”

“I think you mean your renewed-“
“Hurry up and stock up on supplies! *giggle* Then we can ‘train’ together with reckless abandon!”
“Down, Caster.”
“THIS TRAIN HAS NO BRAKES.”

Hmm, well, your darling little Tamamo isn’t completely happy, since that means we might die… Let’s use the heck out of that Formal Wear! That girl likes to be used. *giggle* … we’ll use her up and, in the end, we’ll toss her away and Tamamo gets the last laugh.”
“Dial it down a notch, Tamamo.”
“It’s okay Master! Tamamo is only joking! (slightly)”

Next time: WILL THE MYSTERY MASTER’S NAME BE REVEALED? FIND OUT IN ‘MYSTERY MASTER’S NAME REVEALED’

Let’s Play Fate/Extra – Part 17

Day seven of week 5. We have all the info we need.

Assassin is a master of martial arts. One strike is all he needs to send his target’s nervous and circulatory systems into fatal shock. He is a master of Bajiquan, becoming one with the universe to achieve invisibility with his chi.

His name is Li Shuwen, the Master of the Demon Fist. He could have been summoned as a Lancer, but Julius is a lifelong professional assassin himself. They’re a match made in heaven.

But they don’t know Tamamo’s Noble Phantasm, do they?

While we’re here, however, let’s wrap up another Tamamo conversation we unlocked. This one by achieving 100 perfect battles. So cast the correct curse every time your enemy launches an Attack (thus removing the need to Guard and take chip damage) and go hog wild.

Here is a little memento to mark this special occasion. It’s a little something I knitted in my spare time.”

Your guess is as good as mine. As far as I can tell it doesn’t even do anything.

Also she pulled it out of her cleavage. Which causes Hakuno to wonder if it’s a gateway to another dimension. Yes really.

… what I don’t get is why you don’t apply your intelligence to starting a romantic relationship with-”
“Tamamo please.”
“When it comes to affairs of the heart… and body… you are my most formidable adversary.”
“THEN WE SHALL BATTLE UNTIL JUDGEMENT DAY WHEN ANGELS SING AND TRUMPETS SOUND.”
“Or you could surrender.”
“Bad fox.” [spritzes with water bottle]
[Caster makes squeaky fox noises and scampers off into a corner]

No putting it off any longer. Time for the final Face/Off with Julius.

Hahaha. What a pleasant surprise. You improved much since we last met in that sealed space!”

Assassin is loving this shit.

“Relax, I was just making conversation. Don’t be playa-hating. Getting to know your opponent is the ultimate luxury! My foes usually crumple from a single blow of my fist, so I find this Holy Grail War to be truly enjoyable.”

The opportunity for two people to face each other and try to crush each other’s lives comes but rarely.”

“… what’re you fighting for, Julius?”

Seeing to it that Leo makes his way to the Holy Grail safely. That is my purpose.”
“You’re lying. Badly.”

“I think you want something else.”

“Then why’s everything been so hard for you?”

You’re actually concerned about your enemy’s wellbeing? You are truly beyond any and all hope. Fortunately for me, I don’t consider any injuries I may take during the course of the war painful.”
“You’re nothing but your stepbrother’s trained attack dog. That’s all you’ve known your whole life. The Grail could grant you any wish and you’re going to die for someone who treats you like a pawn. I have nothing but pity for you.”

“Understood. There are only a few battles remaining. Let’s make the most of the ones that lie ahead.”

Julius turns at the last second before stepping out of the elevator. One last attempt to cow Hakuno with his aura of palpable dread.

Hakuno meets his gaze and just walks out of the elevator.

I have shed the complacency of earlier and have been born anew thirsting for blood, like the kyuuki! Yes, it’s like I’ve become young again! You are strong! Stronger than any enemy so far! Now, let us compare our strengths. Show me what lies beyond perfection!”

“Indeed. My fist needs no second strike. As if you could defeat us! In one strike, you will understand my martial arts prowess!”

True to form, Assassin launches right into his Noble Phantasm. First turn he’ll use Focus Chi to prepare, second he’ll use No Second Strike. Right there in the first round.

“So, as I pray.”

“UNLIMITED PAIN WORKS”

No Second Strike is meant to deal 90% damage in a single strike. I blocked it with Aphotic Cave and my C-rank Agility, so it only did 22.5%. WOMP-WOMP.

After using nine Skills, the Extra icon in Caster’s HUD lights up. I think it’s about time our enemies got a taste of Tamamo-no-Mae’s Noble Phantasm, don’t you?

Blessings of Amaterasu releases the true power locked within Tamamo’s mirror. Once capable of True Magic that could bring the dead back to life and affect an entire country, it’s diminished but still dangerous in Tamamo’s hands as a Servant. For one turn, Tamamo’s Skills cost nothing.

Did I mention that Tamamo has an expensive buff that causes Skills to deal 250% damage, and can later be upgraded to 400%?

Assassin does not last long.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been in the world. Thanks to you, I was able to fight in it again.”

Julius’ Command Seals begin to fade.

“…”
“… What’s wrong, Julius?”

And the formerly stoic assassin starts to scream.

Feeling every inch of the deletion, Julius still manages to scream out the words to a spell.

The screen flashes red.

And he’s gone.

When Hakuno returns from the Colosseum, the school is pulsing with pink light as the system struggles to deal with the backlash of Julius’ defiance. Who else should be waiting for her but Leo.

This changes my opinion of you. You are strong. I see that now.”
“… you really don’t feel anything. Not even a little bit of hatred for me?”
“That’s an odd question. Why would I resent you? People die in battles. This time around, it just happened to be my older brother. That’s all. The one noteworthy thing is that you exceeded my expectations. The only thing that’s different is that I see you in a changed light. I can finally see you for what you are – a fine and proper enemy.”
“… you know, before we fought, I talked to Julius. I told him I pitied him. I’m glad, more now than ever, I got to say that. He deserved human empathy for once in his fucking life. Who knows – maybe come the next round I’ll be pitying you, too.”
“That’s right. Perhaps you’ll end up being my final opponent. Huh, that’s sort of exciting. I look forward to it if that happens. Well then, I look forward to when we meet you on the battlefield.”
“I don’t.”

Back at the room, Hakuno and Tamamo finally have some spare time to talk about what just happened. Namely, the nature of her Noble Phantasm. She’s clearly more than a normal fox spirit. Hakuno asks her what she really is.

She clarifies that she’s a nine-tailed fox of Japanese folklore. Specifically a yakan. When Hakuno confuses the term with a type of tea kettle, she rephrases to describe herself as a jackal. She just lets people mistake her for a fox because she thinks they’re cuter.

Obviously anything that gives life also has power over death. Haven’t you ever noticed that the Egyptian god of death has the face of a jackal? As a fellow jackal, I have the same powers. Dog-faces aren’t my think, though.”
“But… if you’re meaning Anubis, he’s the big guy. The guy who weighs your heart after death to determine if you get to go to the afterlife or not. You’re seriously comparing yourself to him?”

Well fair enough, narration!Hakuno.

Tamamo decides to stop, feeling self-conscious about how overwhelmed Hakuno is to discover that her Servant is a god.

Just don’t think about it too much and the power of love will see us through to the end!”
“Heh, yeah. A god as my co-pilot, how can things possibly go awry?”

(… if you’re still around, Julius. Please don’t come back. You don’t deserve to die twice.)

Let’s Play Fate/Extra – Part 16

Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, to the fifth round of the Moon Cell Grail War.

Our current opponent can kill us with a single punch and is Literally Invisible.

But Taiga wants to take time out of our busy week to go find her a fucking lobster in the Arena.

Amazing.

I cannot comprehend what you and Rin Tohsaka are doing.”
“Dealing with Julius. You just worry about your opponent. Though… no offense, but I kind of hope you don’t advance this round.”
“None taken.”

Finally recovered, Rin has taken up her usual spot on the rooftop once more.

She greets us with her usual tact. She does eventually admit, after hearing Hakuno’s explanation, that fighting an invisible opponent would’ve been just as hard for her and Lancer. She notes that they need to find a way to analyse and disrupt his invincibility, but she trails off mid-thought and stares. Hakuno asks if something happened.

I wasn’t sure if I should share this with you or not, but I figured you have a right to know.”
“Come on, spit it out! Or is that supposed to be your line?”
“Heh, yeah… about that… There’s no easy way to put this, so I won’t bother trying. I tried to find a link to your body.”

“… oh.”

Prior to the start of the Holy Grail War, not a single log regarding your activities exists. The reason I can’t find a link is because you have no body to link to. You aren’t human.”

My theory is that you are one of these NPCs who somehow gained the powers associated with Masters… Some think that if you die in reality, your soul remains behind and you become a cyber ghost. That’s why I thought you were an NPC at first. You didn’t seem real the way most Masters do.”

You’re just like Alice, lady.

Even if you win the Holy Grail and receive a wish, you’ll still be stuck in the SE.RA.PH. If you were fighting for survival, you can stop now. After all… you’re already dead.”
“…”

… I hope you agree. That’s why I needed to tell you this now.”

(… so that’s it, I guess. There really wasn’t a reason for me to keep fighting. Shinji, Dan, Alice – they died for nothing.

For a nobody.

… but I’m not the only one who’s been killing. All those people in the preliminaries. The girl at the fountain with the flowers. The couple on the first floor. Rin.

The Moon Cell has been perfectly happy to make real people kill each other over this stupid fucking prize in the first place.

… so yeah, Rin. I think I do.)

“You say I’m going to be stuck in the SE.RA.PH no matter what I wish for, right?”
“Y… es?”
“Then I can still wish for something outside the SE.RA.PH. When I win the Grail, I’m going to wish for it to dismantle itself. I’m going to wish that the Moon Cell Holy Grail War never happens again. I’m going to wish for the Grail to take itself out behind the shed and give itself both barrels in the fucking mouth before I’m done here.”

It is a compelling reason to go on.”

Caster appears. With her own take on what’s happened.

Ah, I’m sorry! I mean, I know you’re not happy about being like us, but… I mean… sorry…”
“Hey. Come on. It’s okay Tamamo. I’m not upset.”
“O-oh. Uh. Thanks. Ma- Hakuno. A-anyway, don’t give up! And If you get the Grail, you can wish all your worries away!”

Hakuno makes her best attempt at a reassuring smile.

“… wait did you just smile?”

A-anyway, have you decided what you want to do? Even if a miracle occurred and you won, you might not even receive the promised reward. Knowing all this, you’re still willing to take on Julius? You’re ready to fight to the end?”
“Bet your ass I am.”

I’m glad you chose how you did. If you’d given up after all this, I would’ve killed you myself.”
“Not creepy at all, Rin.”
“What can I say? Hakuno Kishinami is a safe bet.”

The conversation quickly turns to a pre-emptive strike – if Julius is to be dealt with at the week’s end, there’s no use waiting for Assassin to slip up. Good thing we have a talented spirit-hacker on our side.

Rin prepares three traps to give to Hakuno – one tests for a held item or Noble Phantasm projecting the invisibility, one checks for an invisibility spell, and one for any chi Assassin might be radiating. On top of that, Rin hacks the Arena to cut off the only path to the second half, funnelling Julius and Assassin over the three traps.

This done, Hakuno retires for the day. Laying the bait and springing the trap will be stressful enough with a full night’s sleep.

Caster greets the new day in her usual Caster way.

“Of course I have. How could I be lost with you and Rin with me?”
[Sniffles] “Stop giving me feelings you jerk.”

A quick stop-off at the library first. A new volume has spawned to shed new light on the Harway family. And I shamefully inform you all that I only just now looked up what ‘plutocracy’ actually means. Basically, it’s a megacorp that’s slowly schlorped up a full third of the planet’s land and a further two thirds of its wealth. They then distribute it equally among everybody while maintaining a policy of complete technological stagnation.

This on top of treating the genocide of all of Asia as a ‘[wiggles hand] meh’ event.

“Oh, look at that lovely scrawny throat I can punch!”
“These empty threats are beneath you.”
“Do you seriously, honestly think this shit will work? Super Communism ushering in a golden age of world peace?”

So long as the ruler who presides over it is perfect, the government will be fair and just.”
“And what about the people who disagree?”

Selfish, perverse individuals do reside within our hierarchy. Rin Tohsaka’s displeasure is founded. But once I become head, I will eradicate those cancers and usher in a new era of human history. Now that I’ve given you a taste of my utopia, I must be off. Please, use your remaining time wisely.”
“… oh wow you so have to die, kid. No way am I letting Julius stop me from punching this little shit in the throat.”

Back on the rooftop, Hakuno and Rin discuss the second stage of the plan.

“Alone!? That’s suicide! Have you forgotten about Assassin being able to kill Servants in one punch!?”

Seriously, relax. I’ll make sure that everything goes as planned.”
“And if Julius fucking murders you then all of this will have been for nothing.”
“Please, don’t insult me. Unlike you, I’ve survived situations far more lethal than this. This is just another dangerous situation amongst many. So don’t worry. If I fail, I die. And I don’t plan on dying just yet. And at that time, Julius will probably lose it, right? If I die or not, you’ll come out ahead.”

Hakuno lunges forward.

And hugs Rin.

“I don’t want you to die. I’m fucking scared okay. And hearing you act so blasé about it is just freaking me out more. Julius is a killer okay? This is all he lives for. He’ll kill you if he has half the chance. And you might be okay with leaving me all alone but I’m not okay? I’m not.”

[Sniffs]
“Hey. You’ll be doing Julius’ work for him in a minute. Ease off for a second. Okay?”
“Fine. But only because I want to. Not because you told me to.”
“What a pair we make, huh Hakuno?”
“Match made in heaven, Rin.”

Even if I’m no longer a Master, if I’m to die I want to go down fighting until my last breath.”
“Alright. Okay. That’s… enough.”

After all you’ve done, if I can’t hold up my end as your Servant I’ll turn tail and run.”
“Only if you carry me.”

Inside, Hakuno and Caster get in position and wait. They don’t have to wait long before Julius storms in, clearly buttflustered.

We won’t be able to move until we have more information. But first, I must take care of that young girl.”

(… was he even talking to Julius just now?)

Rin calls Hakuno. She can’t even break a dozen static-y words before the call is cut off. On top of it all, she sounded in-pain.

Oh boy.

” ‘Some’!?”
“We should probably pick up the pace.”
“Ya think!?”

Julius and Assassin step directly into the first trap – the one to determine if the invisibility is a Noble Phantasm. Immediately, Assassin seems distracted. Julius asks if there’s a problem.

“… I see.”

Onward, shadowing the pair to the second trap.

“I sure am glad he can’t see us through this completely transparent walls.”
“That does seem like a bit of a design flaw doesn’t it…”
“That could be the case. So do we withdraw, Julius? Remember that even a mouse will fight when cornered.”
“… No need. I’m still on edge after that skirmish with that tiresome girl. If our foe is here, I will crush them.”
[Hakuno does the ‘squeezing the tiny person’ perspective trick from her hiding spot. Flipping Julius off with the other hand.]

“Is there something wrong?”

Not only does Assassin sense the trap again, this time he turns and looks right at Hakuno.

Only to brush it off. Or lie about it. Curious… On to the third trap.

“Hmph… such irritating insolence. Do you know where they are hiding?”

And then, all of a sudden, the third trap works.

Truly amazing! Hahaha, most excellent, Julius! It seems our enemy is allied with a magus of the highest order! This trap uses all eight divinations of Tao! To force my chi back into myself is quite an accomplishment! As is obvious, you’ve overcome my Concealment! And the injury you’ve inflicted will take days to heal!”

Assassin is… into it.

“Shitshitshit!”

So, what trick are you going to do next? Or should I show you my transforming routine?”
“I thought you locked your Shapeshift skill.”
“Shhhhhhhhhhshshshsh.”

Once again, I commend you on defeating my Concealment. No other opponent has managed that before now.”

If I am to asphyxiate a target, I’d rather it be a lion than a rat! But still, I am doomed to do only evil!”

Anyway, I think it’s time that you acknowledge my Master’s greatness. Then again, you aren’t very smart. Could it be that it wasn’t only your muscles that were damaged, but your brain as well? Honestly, the thought of touching you makesm y skin crawl, but the evil you’ve done demands punishment. My dear Master, shall we put an end to all of this now?”

It seems that you hide your weakness behind a warrior’s pose. Perhaps you are like Daji, but not as civilized?”

I’ll burn you to cinders in the fires of yomi and cook what’s left of your body in a wok over the flames!”

I cannot maintain this form for long, but I will at least bestow upon you the torment of hell itself!”
“… Jesus. Sometimes I think they should skip the War and just have rap battles.”

And so our first proper preview battle with Assassin finally begins!

he starts the battle by casting Focused Chi to turn invisible. He turns right back to being visible once that turn is over, so it really doesn’t mean much, but whatever.

Mandatory shot of me owning Assassin with a Bestial Sky charged attack.

He can also seal your Break command, as you can see in Tamamo’s status effect section in the top left, and go Super Saiyan.

After which he does this. I don’t even know any more.

The only reason why Leo deigns to notice you is the fact you are one of the masses. However I still ask, ‘why?’ There is something about you that truly irritates me. Never mind. I don’t care. The Elimination Match will come soon. It is there that this farce will end.”

Julius and Assassin fuck off, once again displaying their hacked-in teleportation powers. Leaving Hakuno and the decidedly winded Caster alone.

Much to her relief, Hakuno gets a call from Rin soon after. She’s wounded, and completely out of defensive countermeasures, but alive. She restores full access to the Arena floor once she hears of the anti-chi trap’s success but nobody’s much in the mood for more exploring. Since at this point Caster is running on 300 HP and 20 MP. I rushed in for the Trigger then rushed right back out.

The next day, we head to the library to look up clues of Assassin’s identity. Apparently Bajiquan masters of the Qinq Dynasty could master their chi to make themselves ‘one with both heaven and earth’, making them invisible.

Wikipedia lists no less than ten famous Bajiquan practitioners. It’s something, I guess.

Rani is… helpful… as ever. Regardless, we head to the roof to meet up with Rin once again.

They basically just reiterate what we already know – Assassin is a martial arts master, and there can’t be many historical figures that could fit that description and class.

(Just three more left. You can do this, Hakuno. You can do this.)

To my shock, I realize that I somehow accumulated three level-ups without noticing, so off I race to the Chapel to spend my nine skill points! Three points is all I need to finally bump Endurance up to C, finally leaving me free to splurge all the points I receive from now on Magic and Agility. The skill points also finally boost Caster over the threshold for her penultimate skill. Breath of the Soul restores 10% of her mana post-battle. Utterly useless for Elimination Matches of course, but that’s when Caster is at her strongest anyway. Breath of the Soul does a great job speeding up grinding so that Hakuno doesn’t have to waste all her own mana casting MP Heal every turn, but it’s kind of too little too late for my tastes.

It may be hard to believe, but I think the reality of this place is just now starting to set in…”
“Good luck tomorrow.”
“You too.”

Inside the school building, we turn in the pilfered lobster to Taiga for our prize.

What are you, Taiga.

The good news is that Rin is nearby with a big fat gold speech bubble over her head. She’s available to hand out some semi-optional info, so let’s get her to talk our ears off!

What is it you’re lacking? Is it insufficient preparation, or is it a paucity of information?”
“If I wasn’t so numb at the moment I’d ask what the fuck a paucity even is.”
“Numb? Try blissfully ignorant. It’d be more accurate. Anyway Hakuno, I have time on my hands, so if you want to ask something… do so now. Of course, I’ll only answer questions that pertain to being a Master. I normally can’t be bothered with things like this, but I’m feeling generous. So, ask away.”
“Fine. What do you think about the Grail War? The whole… having to kill people thing.”

… While I agree the conditions are severe, I cannot say that they are unreasonable. Everything has its limits. The land, resources, reputation; even time itself is finite. Everyone has different goals, and the resources to fulfil them are limited, which leads to conflict. To have your wish granted, another wish must be denied… that’s the way of the world. The rules found here in the SE.RA.PH are simple compared to those that govern the real world. I mean, in the real world, innocent bystanders are frequently victims of the fighting around them. Compared to that, the terms of the Holy Grail War are quite fair. I’d go as far as to say moral. The motivations and consequences are made clear, and there are no innocents here.”
“… it’s certainly easier to punch Leo in the throat here than having to do it in the real world and get past a hundred bodyguards I guess.” (But I wouldn’t say there aren’t any innocents here. Or… weren’t…)

And don’t forget that conflict between individuals is not necessarily a bad thing. Understand your opponent to win. Anticipate your opponent to win. Respect your opponent to win. These three things are what I consider to be the essence of the Grail War. How this reality came to be the Holy Grail War, I honestly couldn’t tell you. I personally think the system was created for the purpose of better understanding mankind.”
“Alright. So that’s the Moon Cell taken care of. What’s the real world like?”

It’s not going to happen right away, of course. There’s no easily identifiable danger to prevent. There was a global catastrophe thirty years ago, but it actually helped stabilize the population. However, with the massive loss of life, all progress came to a crashing halt. Now there is no war, no famine, no poverty. But there is no advancement, only stasis. New discoveries, scientific breakthroughs, even space travel have all come to a standstill. Mankind has yet to even explore the moon. History itself has somehow been corrupted. Since the near-extinction of mankind, human society has stagnated, like water in a marsh.

The Harway family wants to keep the status quo, as it is easier to maintain than change. That may work in the short term, but resource scarcity and environmental decay isn’t far off. Like walking down an incline, it’s only really noticeable if you look ahead instead of at your feet. And if the incline was endless and there was no hope at the end, would you keep going? I don’t hold to that fatalistic view. That’s why I’m here; to fight against a hopeless future.”

The value of a person’s wish isn’t determined by its grandeur or its intent. Everyone has their own reasons for entering. I just thought I’d share mine with you.”
“… thanks, Rin. I’m glad you took the time to talk.”

Rin actually waves goodbye when Hakuno departs. She’s being far too personable today – she must be Zero Berserker in disguise.

Honestly, I’ve never even entertained the possibility of you defeating Kuzuki, but… the more I think on it, the more I begin to feel that you’re the one I should be worried about.”
(You’re probably right there. No body to hold back my magic… probably isn’t a limit to how far I can push Caster. I guess being a buggy bit of code has some uses after all. Hahaha. Haaaa…)

I take a trip to the Arena but there’s nothing story-related there, so moving right along!

It’s a little annoying for Tamamo to have been lent a hand by that woman, but sacrifices must be made. And Tamamo knows how to milk a rival for all she’s worth… because she’s clever as a fox!”
“… are you jealous?”
“NO! … yeah >>”

Tamamo scribbles something down.

Please read the instructions really carefully. If you don’t know how to use it, a Noble Phantasm is useless.”

It’s the most important piece of information to know about Tamamo. Please use it to its fullest, my dear Master <3.”

Next time on Fate/Extra: the fifth Elimination Match, and Caster’s Noble Phantasm revealed!