Let’s Play Sword Art Online: Hollow Fragment – Part 1

Goooooood evening everyone and welcome to In Which I Play Sword Art Online: Hollow Fragment, where everything’s made up and the screenshots don’t matter. That’s right, the screenshots are like pretty fight scenes attached to a story that’s downright offensive as well as being bad. They don’t matter. As you have probably guessed with these opening sentences, I’m not a big fan of SAO. I think it’s awful dogshit. Which is probably confusing to some of you because I’ve also written thousands upon thousands of words of fanfiction on it, because I don’t know what cognitive dissonance means. Also because I think it has a few good ideas that could have worked done by a writer who did not literally have cured hams for hands. You will have also noticed the screenshot mentions. Yes, I was thrilled to discover that the PS Vita has a built-in screenshot function, but you have to press PS and Start at the same time to take a screenshot. So it looks like you won’t even get to enjoy most of the cutscenes they put effort into!

But, I say to myself, why not press on anyway? Why not try to dazzle you all with my wits and words instead of pictures? No, no come back, I- dammit! Alright, the three of you still here, let’s call this an experiment. If I can paint a picture of this game with my words that in any way holds a candle to a proper screenshot LP, we’ll go through with this. If not, well this thread will die naturally won’t it? Plus you’ll get sneak peaks at Rebuild to come as I ‘research’ it with hours upon hours of RPG.

Also to be fair there’s like 8 CG cutscenes in this whole game and the rest is static text boxes and talking heads so you won’t really be missing much. Now, without further ado…

LINK START

We do indeed open on the classic NerveGear boot menu, and are treated to the login screen for SAO. It’s all just as it was in the show, only another prompt box asks if we wish to use our Beta information. This isn’t a sign of Kirito using his level 99 maxed out death character from the beta to solo all of SAO mind you (not that he would need it) but a prompt for Vita users to import their Infinity Moment data. Which kind of confuses me because Hollow Fragment is a remake, not a sequel, but hey. I guess if you put the work in, you’d want to be OP as fuck in the beginning. Just like a certain someone dohohohoho.

Yeah you should probably start filtering out now, the quality of jokes won’t improve.

We’re then taken to the character creation menu, which is a bit of a misdirection. Though it prompts you to change your name, hairstyle, hair colour, eye colour and voice, it doesn’t matter for the purposes of the story. You’re still Kirito, and you’re definitely still Kirito in the CG cutscenes. Which… ehhhhhh. You can name Kirito DONGS and give Kirito silly hair, but it would’ve been nice to create our own character. Also the 13th option is literally Sachi’s haircut.

BECAUSE SACHI HAS NICE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIR.

And oh fuck it still does the whole X=back O=okay shit Japan does this is going to be murder on my muscle memory.

December… 2021? But the game started in ’22. At first I thought this must be the beta, but when Kirito appears he looks like Kirito. And he’s single-wielding Elucidator and wearing the Blackwyrm Coat. Ten seconds in and Hollow Fragment is already mindfuckin’ me.

Anyway, we enter a rather nice-looking forest. A MYSTERIOUS NEW GIRL appears wearing a blue hood, desperately running away from something. And, possessing astounding priorities, I notice that her run cycle seems to actually be synching up with the rate at which the foreground and background pass. I suck the joy out of everything. She happens across a rather confused Kirito who appears in a ball of light in front of her, only Elucidator equipped. She then trips over a tree root and slams bodily into him, chest-to-chest.

*sigh* Start the countdown fellas.

OC Waifu leaps to her feet and draws her weapon, a jet-black swordbreaker. Little does she know that Kirito’s Elucidator is also made of black Edgy Alloy that is nigh indestructible and really tires out the arms of cute girls. They have a brief duel where the framerate seems to be slightly below par but otherwise looks kind of nice actually. As they clash, Kirito notices during a moment of slow-mo that OC Waifu has an orange diamond above her head.

Oh boy, she’s a murderer!

They’re quickly interrupted by… and I have no fucking idea why…

SKULLFUCKER PRIME

As the scene transitions from CG to the standard text-box format, Kirito wonders why the Floor 75 boss is here, infuriatingly without any indication as to where ‘here’ is in Aincrad. OC Waifu states cattily that she thought she’d ditched it, but now she’ll have to fight it. While running the fuck away from a raid boss encounter out in the field is entirely natural, I’d like to ask OC Waifu why she didn’t just use a teleport crystal. Also WHY DO YOU KILL PEOPLE.

Kirito asks if such monsters are normal around ‘here’, which I guess confirms that he was unexpectedly zapped to a new location. Still waiting on the how and why. OC Waifu responds with, and I quote, “I have no intention of wasting my breath on scum like you”. Move over Kirito, I’ve found my 2D girlfriend.

Kirito obviously replies “whaaa me there must be a mistake”. SKULLFUCKER PRIME promptly interjects by roaring. Kirito parries its assault offscreen and OC Waifu asks him why he did that. Lady, it’s a floor boss out in the open. He needs your succulent boyshorts-clad ass as a meat shield. Kirito narrates that this version must have lower stats than the 75th floor one, since he was able to parry it by himself. Thus I rechristen it to SKULLFUCKER BETA.

My mistake, HOLLOW SKULLFUCKER BETA.

He then proceeds to explain to OC Waifu what I just said – maybe they should work together on the whole not-dying thing. She finally agrees, though not without adding ‘just for now’. Either she’s a huge bitch to Kirito for no reason or she knew what she was getting into when she took this job. Either way, more please.

We’re introduced to the basic controls, which I obviously won’t bother screenshotting. It’s mostly introducing the Burst gauge, which is something they added for Hollow Fragment. Basically, while it’s full, you can do combos with your standard attack rather than just limp-wristedly flailing away. As you consume the Burst gauge your standard attacks grow stronger, and you can finish the combo with a powered-up Sword Skill. You can keep going with an empty Burst gauge, but you won’t have the damage boost. The Burst gauge also powers Step, which is your dodge move.

There’s also the Risk gauge that basically acts as an aggro meter. The rub here is that the higher your Risk grows, the less damage you deal, the more damage you take, and the slower your Burst gauge recharges. Meaning that trying to do everything yourself is impractical, and the real way to victory is to cooperate with your partner. I don’t see how this feature didn’t get the project shut down right there in the board room, it so clearly breaks canon.

Sword Skills use up SP, which regenerates as you land hits. This includes hits caused by Sword Skills, so if you’re careful you can keep yourself in the money near indefinitely. You can also hold L to order your woman to do your bidding, or compliment her for following your orders. That’s more like it. But realtalk, complimenting is important because that shapes how the AI develops. Compliment one of your woms on performing a Sword Skill offensively and she’ll do it more often. Maxing out the three AI tendencies (Offense, Defence and Support I thiiink?) each grants a set of armour for your cleavage of choice. And yes, they look awful and sexualized. Believe me, I’ll be getting those to show off to you.

Once the HOLLOW SKULLFUCKER BETA is dispatched (with horrific ease mind you), Kirito is audibly out-of-breath. OC Waifu admits she’s never seen it before, so Kirito explains its resemblance to SKULLFUCKER PRIME. They reiterate the point that HOLLOW SKULLFUCKER BETA was weaker than SKULLFUCKER PRIME (last time, promise) and that they’d never have beaten it had it been the true 75th floor boss.

Then sentimental piano music plays as Kirito hesitantly asks if he and OC Waifu still need to fight each other. Hurk.

OC Waifu cryptically comments that Kirito doesn’t seem like one of ‘them’ and asks why Kirito isn’t bothered by her orange cursor, which is basically the AR equivalent of a teardrop tattoo. Kirito just like “well will you actually answer if I ask?” OC Waifu replies “I killed someone”, to which I respond BUT DID THEY DIE!? OC Waifu refuses to elaborate further and basically says that Kirito’s not getting anything else out of her and attempts to peace out. Kirito flags her down a second time because of the whole “WHERE THE FUCK AM I” issue. OC Waifu, ever the pinnacle of helpfulness, replies that she got teleported there a month ago and she has no idea either. SWORD ART ONLINE: HOLLOW FRAGMENT – CONFUSED PEOPLE TALKING TO EACH OTHER.

Ohhh, here we go. Kirito realizes that this whole place must be an Anti-Crystal Area, like that room WHERE SACHI WAS DEEEEE-

Wait, no. Kirito is heard opening his menu, and he declares that he can use his crystal. Wat.

OC Waifu tells him that items and junk still work but it won’t say where they are. Kirito tries to lend her some of his own crystals, but she rebuffs him. For… some reason. Then a system announcement (with a female voice, why do all computer things have to be women) and says that ‘access restriction to the Hollow Area has been removed’. Eh, I tried the beta, the place seemed pretty dead inside.

Kirito and OC Waifu double-take in shock as a strange design appears on Kirito’s hand.

Sorry, I mean

For some reason this gets OC Waifu’s panties all in a bunch as she asks who he is, then demands to see his hand again. Apparently the design matches some place that she remembers, and they’re off to go check it out. OC Waifu is hesitant, not understanding why he’d trust ‘an orange… no, a red like [her]’ which is kind of a tautology but there you go. Kirito just goes “yeah it’s a problem but you still fought with me against HOLLOW SKULLFUCKER BETA” (haha you thought I was done with that joke but it was ME, ZERBAN). That kind of isn’t proof because anyone with half a brain would’ve fought alongside Kirito just to beat the boss but then again this is SAO. Kirito knows by now that only a select few have such a vast quantity of grey matter.

Finally OC Waifu reveals her true name… which I don’t understand why they hid, since Kirito should’ve been able to just see that shit floating about her face. But yes, she tells him her name is Philia and I finally get to stop calling her OC Waifu. Though I might still do so, fair warning. Kirito introduces himself and Philia smiles and laughs before saying “You’re either very kind or very stupid”. Lady you don’t know the half of it. Also I’m kind of mad that I can already tell Philia will have killed someone in some kind of horrible mitigating circumstance where it was never really her fault. If she’d totally murdered a dude knowing full well what she was doing because SAO is just that kind of environment and sometimes you have to, she’d probably be a pretty interesting change of pace from the rest of the supporting cast. But alas.

“Then perhaps I should feel honoured.” Since the only audio track is Japanese, I can at least pretend that Philia’s VA is throwing on an immensesarcasmvoice that I as a baka gaijin cannot pick up on. Anyway, we finally leave the confines of Cutsceneworld and are let loose into the Hollow Area. We are also bestowed a trophy for beating the tutorial. ‘Beater’. Well I think you’re a tosser too Hollow Fragment but at least I can restrain myself.

So this big shattered testicle in the distance is probably where we’re gonna go next. Behind us is a jungle-esque forest full of mobs if we feel like grinding or just getting a feel for the combat system, but we’re so overlevelled that they go down in like three hits anyway. Speaking of which… Kirito appears to be level 100, doesn’t he? Yet as I recall he was only level 94 when he faced off with Heathcliff. Curiouser and curiouser. Let’s open our start menu shall we.

So let’s take a look at our sta-WHOAH HEY NOW. Kirito is loaded. Got almost 3 million col just lying around in his pocket. No wonder he was able to buy everything under the sun the minute he joined ALO. You’ll also see that XP bar, meaning that we can level past 100. Curious… Let’s check our skills.

… hang on a tick. His Dual Blades skill is only 420? But he blazed through that boss just now (I’m not even sorry) and while I didn’t get a screenshot of it, his One-Handed Swords skill is only 300. I’m pretty sure both of these were maxed out at this point in the show. I mean I’m not particularly complaining but still, it seems like it just would’ve been easier to start an SAO game from day one to justify all this.

Hang on is that Rapier skill I see? And daggers, clubs, katanas, two-handed swords and shields I see in other places on the skill tree I didn’t take a screenshot of? Are you saying that I can develop my Kirito in ways that aren’t an invincible dual-wielding buzzsaw? *pulls the Canon Alarm*

Checking the inventory screen reveals that Elucidator and Dark Repulsor have been corrupted and severely depowered due to whatever the fuck happened that the game isn’t explaining right now. Which is kind of a shame because I do like their designs and I’m the kind of gamer who prefers to keep gear that looks nice. Fashion Souls ahoy. But never you fret my darlings. Hollow Fragment is an RPG through-and-through. We’ll have Kirito dressed up like an iced lolly that just came out and wants to go to Mardi Gras in no time flat.

Oh hey what’s in those other Item tabs-

…

BECAUSE SACHI IS DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-